Monday, December 12, 2016

Rest in Peace

A friend from high school died the other day. It hit me hard because he died of metastatic kidney cancer and I didn't even know he had cancer. He was diagnosed more than 3 years ago, and talked about it publicly back in April of this year. I don't check facebook every day, and I missed the post where he talked about his prognosis. I was diagnosed with cancer a couple months after our 10 year high school reunion in 2003, so I e-mailed him and a few other high school friends. He was very supportive, and has been supportive since then as I've dealt with cancer's aftermath. I feel bad because I wasn't there for his health crisis. He posted a picture to facebook on Halloween of him and his family (he was married, with two little girls). I 'Liked' the photo but failed to notice how much weight he'd lost or how he was on oxygen. I get so self absorbed in my own problems that I don't pay enough attention to those around me.

So, I had a drink for Mike Rich tonight.



Mike was a great guy. He was someone I greatly admired. Mike graduated from Stanford Law School and was a law professor at Elon University. Mike had a quick wit and extremely funny, sarcastic sense of humor. He was smart. So much smarter than I was. You see, we went to a public boarding school, the North Carolina School of Science and Math. All the kids there were gifted (not me; I think I avoided getting really bad grades because my brother died while I was there and the teachers took pity on me), but there were some, like Mike, who really stood out. He often hung out in my room, because my roommate was equally smart and we had a fast computer for writing papers and--more importantly--playing computer games. In the evening, when we weren't playing computer games, board games, card games, Dungeons & Dragons, or uh...homework, my friends often debated philosophy, politics, or scientific topics in front of me. I just smiled and nodded, unable to contribute anything meaningful to the conversation, but Mike knew what he was talking about. Recently, Mike often talked to the media in North Carolina, wrote papers or spoke publicly about the intersection between emerging technology and criminal justice. He wrote an OpEd for the NY Times, he was interviewed for an article in Time magazine on the usage of body cams. He was highly respected in the law community. I just watched a lecture he gave on the subject and it is fascinating. If you have any interest in criminal justice, I urge you to look up Michael Rich on Youtube.

Here's his obituary from Elon, which has a short video in which he talks about his work: http://www.elon.edu/e-net/Article/141138

Here's the obituary from his local paper: http://www.greensboro.com/obituaries/rich-michael-lee/article_b6eac05c-1196-575d-934a-59155d420a65.html?mode=jqm

Mike's law students loved him. This is obvious from all the emotional outpourings of grief posted on his facebook page. He took the time to sit down with all his students outside the classroom. Mike discussed their career path with them; he encouraged them; he gave them a shoulder to cry on; he was their friend years after they graduated. He really listened to people. This was all while he was going through his own battle with cancer.

I can't help but contrast his example with my own. While he dealt with cancer quietly, with dignity, rarely letting it overshadow the needs of friends and loved ones, I immediately broadcast my cancer diagnosis. My own public blog about my experiences with the aftermath of cancer treatment seem like a selfish cry for public validation, and I feel even more saddened/chagrined that I was not there for Mike as he was there for me during cancer treatment and at every stage of my subsequent health problems. I didn't take enough time in my day to take an interest at least in the exciting work Mike was doing. To send him a note saying how much I admired him. Mike really made a difference. The world is better because of him.

I only knew Mike for two years more than 20 years ago. The experiences I had with him, the full extent of my knowledge about Mike Rich, is such a tiny portion of who he really was. My picture of him:

He had a brother. Anecdote: Mike told me that he and his brother used to wrestle (as brothers often do). Mike used to grab his brother's legs to present him from climbing the stairs at his home. Panting desperately, his brother would say, "Must! Reach! Top! Save! World!" That story stuck with me, and now whenever my daughter grabs my legs I cry, "Must! Reach! [INSERT DESTINATION]! Save! World!

Mike was excellent at ultimate frisbee (our best player). He was a great basketball player and was often dismayed at my own clumsiness on the court. He was a good Dungeon Master when we played D&D--on an unrelated note, we were virgins. He was smart and funny. He was generous, respectful of everyone's opinion. He was a good listener. He was there for me when my brother died our senior year. He was a good friend.

He was so much more than that though. He was a loving father and husband. He was great at his job. He was looked up to by so many current, and former, students at Elon. He continued teaching for three years, through his cancer fight. I only know those things from what I could glean off his facebook and twitter profiles. Social media is great because without it, I wouldn't know any of that stuff. I probably wouldn't have found out about his death until my next reunion. Social media also serves to remind me of how out of touch I am with my friends. I told another high school friend about Mike's death and noticed that my other friend lived in Illinois. When did that happen? Last I knew, he lived in Atlanta.

I hope in the future I can express to my friends the impact they've had on my life and how much I appreciate them before it's too late.

Rest in Peace, Michael Rich.