Veterans Day Parade

Once a week, I get the privilege of grooming and riding a horse named Patch. This is thanks to a program called "Horses and Heroes" at the Shangri-La Therapeutic Academy of Riding (STAR). The volunteers at STAR help wounded veterans learn about caring for, and riding, horses. 

Vietnam veteran Chuck is helping me clean Patch's hooves [photo by Shawn Millsaps]

They are capable of handling any disability from blindness, to deafness, to paralysis, to PTSD. I've seen them regularly lift a wheelchair-bound veteran, who has difficulty holding himself upright, onto a large horse named Sampson. They also work with disabled children and troubled teens. They even bring miniature ponies and donkeys to rest homes and schools. STAR is passionate about the healing power of working with horses. I've experienced it firsthand. Every week I watch veterans' faces light up interacting with these beautiful animals. And of course, there's my personal joy from seeing Patch every week.

Scratch him there long enough and he goes right to sleep [Shawn Millsaps]

Patch used to be part of a mounted search and rescue team. He's quite large compared to other horses I've ridden in the past. I think I heard that his name used to be Apache, but this got shortened to Patch because STAR already had a horse named Apache. But "Patch" also fits for the big guy because of his mottled skin coloring. He is unique among the horses at STAR because his mane is short and sticks straight up, like a mohawk. I've heard that with other riders, Patch can be a little temperamental, but with me he's always easy-going and responds well to every command. 

Weaving the cones [Shawn Millsaps]

Maybe this is because I bring him an apple every week, or maybe it's because I spend a lot of time scratching his favorite spot between his ears. It could also be because I ride him on Friday and he's looking forward to the weekend. Admittedly, I'm not much of a "horse whisperer," but I sure love spending time with him. 

I went through a couple horses before Patch. Most memorable was a horse named Largo. Largo is a beautiful Chestnut horse with a tattoo of a palm tree on his left hindquarters. Largo was a great horse too, and I think I had a pretty good rapport with him.

Largo is another awesome STAR horse

The only trouble I had with Largo was that he had an extremely uncomfortable trot. The horses we ride already know basic commands like "WALK," "TROT," "EASY," "BACK," and "WHOA." So, during our rides around the arena at STAR, we typically start off at an easy walk, then we build up to a trot. If our horse gets overly excited, we yell out, "EASY!" or "WALK!" to bring him back under control. During one fateful practice session, the girth of my saddle wasn't tightened enough when I tried bringing Largo around a curve in our oval arena at a brisk trot. Largo's trot is extremely bouncy, and I was having a hard time getting enough breath to yell out "EASY!" or better yet, "WHOA!" My saddle slowly rolled around Largo's barrel-like flank. I found myself riding parallel to the ground as I lost my grip on the horse and hit the hard gravel with my shoulder. Largo kept right on going as if to say, "well that's a load off! Trotting is so much easier now!" Luckily, I landed on my left, paralyzed shoulder which has no feeling. So, I barely felt any pain, and I got right back up on Largo for some easy walking--just to show him that he couldn't get rid of me that easy. 

Largo ultimately didn't work out and that's when I started riding my favorite horse. Patch has such a stately, gentle trot. It's a pleasure to ride him. When I first started riding, I had a STAR volunteer--most of the volunteers who work with us are also veterans--walking beside the horse to make sure there were no mishaps. With Patch, I've been allowed to ride independently, and I can't put into words what an awesome feeling it is taking him around the arena by myself. 

[Shawn Millsaps]

STAR does so much for disabled or troubled kids and for wounded warriors. Unfortunately, only a few veterans take advantage of the opportunity. So if, by some weird chance, you're a disabled veteran who's reading this blog (doesn't matter what your disability is) of any age, you live in the Knoxville area (STAR is located in Lenoir City), and you have any interest in horse back riding (you don't have to know anything about it), then please contact STAR!! www.rideatstar.com (865) 988-4711; POC: Robin Bowen, robin@bowensales.com (865) 806-9552. 

STAR volunteer, and Air Force veteran, Jim, helping my friend Mark with his horse Dan [Shawn Millsaps]

Chuck takes Patch and I around the arena once before I ride on my own [Shawn Millsaps]

STAR has both an indoor arena (pictured) and an outdoor arena [Shawn Millsaps]

Every year, STAR takes part in Knoxville's Veteran's Day parade. I was bummed to learn that we don't ride horses in the parade. Apparently, there was some concern about horse poop and the marching bands behind us. I say marching through a pile of horse manure is a good way for the marchers to build character and practice staying in formation. Instead, the veterans and STAR volunteers sat on hay bales in a trailer pulled by a pickup truck. Betsy and I pulled Grace out of school that day so she could ride with us. She loves being in the parade, waving at all the spectators, and hearing the marching bands and fire trucks. Hopefully, it helps STAR get a little more publicity for what they are trying to do for veterans.

Would be so much cooler if we were on Patch

"This parade is just for me!"

Daddy's girl

After the parade, everyone from STAR--about 10 of us--went to a sports bar called Double Dogs Chow House (if you live in Knoxville, it's located near the intersection of Hardin Valley and Pellissippi).

Interesting name for a sports bar

Just now noticed that there appears to be a dog house in front. I'm the most unobservant person in the world.

I brought in my Blendtec and Betsy asked the manager if it would be ok if they blended up my food. The manager said it would be no problem. They were really nice and accommodating there. I was worried about finding anything gluten free and remotely healthy at a sports bar but they have a decent menu. I was tempted to get a steak with a side of fries, but I thought this would make my blend too thick. So, I ended up getting a Greek salad topped with grilled chicken. 

That's a whole lotta green in that picture

At the end of the meal, we were all shocked to find out that the manager paid the entire bill!! On Veteran's Day there are so many businesses that bend over backward for veterans. Some are public about it like Krispy Kreme or Applebee's while other individuals show their appreciation for veterans in their own quiet way, like the manager at Double Dogs. It's always very humbling for me to witness the unquestioning gratitude of others for my military service. I wish this message could reach the many veterans who are homeless and/or contemplating taking their own life. I sincerely hope that the efforts of STAR and the healing powers of caring for their beautiful horses can, in some small way, help some of the veterans who are most in need.

[Shawn Millsaps]

Tennessee Football Game

Let me tell you how fortunate I am. Since I got cancer while I was in the military and it happened after 9/11, I am a Wounded Warrior Project (WWP) "Alumni." This was a bit of a shock to me. I'm not sure I deserve being designated as a wounded warrior. 

My friend, Mark, was an Army officer deployed to a highly volatile area in Iraq. While out on patrol, a suicide bomber set himself off right behind Mark. He suffered shrapnel damage to the right side of his cervical spine (ironically similar to the radiation damage I have on the left side of my cervical spine). As a result, he is weak on his right side from the neck down and has lost feeling on his left side. My symptoms are the exact opposite. Well, not quite exact. He has more strength in his weak arm than I have in mine (he plays piano beautifully). He can also swallow, so he's not a tubie like me. On the other hand, he is almost completely deaf from the bomb blast. He also has traumatic brain injury (TBI). Half of his skull had to be removed, along with a portion of his brain. He suffers from short-term memory loss and frequent seizures, so he can't drive himself.

Clearly, Mark is a Wounded Warrior Project "Alumni," right? He was in combat. He was injured while in combat. When I was in Afghanistan, I mostly sat at a computer or briefed the guys who were going into danger. I never left the Forward Operating Base, or FOB--folks like me are now affectionately (derisively?) known as "fobbits." My injuries came from radiation. There are millions of cancer survivors out there just like me--some better off, some worse. They are not WWP "Alumni." They don't get the benefits I get. Do I deserve all this? 

I get stopped by people all the time thanking me for my service. People assume, because of my appearance, that I was wounded in combat. After I correct them, "No, it was just cancer." I always imagine there's a look of disappointment on their face. I assume they think, "I went out of my way to thank this man, thinking he's a hero, but it's only cancer?? My neighbor's kid has leukemia. His family doesn't get a special license plate, or discounts at restaurants!"

I feel guilty that people make the assumption that I'm a hero because I'm a disabled veteran. Yet, I still take advantage of veteran opportunities. I take comfort from the fact that Mark doesn't resent me at WWP or Disabled American Veteran (DAV) events (or he hides it really well). Also, there are many more veterans at these events who were not injured in combat. I don't know what the percentage is, but at the DAV Winter Sports Clinic in Aspen, Colorado, it seemed like half (or more) of the veterans were not injured in combat, but instead got their TBI, paralysis, blindness, or missing limb(s) from accidents or diseases.

So, one of those opportunities I took advantage of was the WWP offered me two box seat tickets to see the local college football team (University of Tennessee Volunteers; and that's American football, not that other football everybody else is crazy about) play a game. If you're not from Knoxville, or the US, then you may not fully appreciate the culture of college football around here. Let me just say that the last time UT won the national championship title, Peyton Manning was quarterback. He appears to be regarded as a minor deity in eastern Tennessee. We get regular progress reports in the local news on his health and performance in the NFL, even though he now plays for the Denver Broncos in Colorado. I've also noted that most of Denver's games are now televised here, even a game against San Diego a few weeks ago. Tennessee has no connection to Colorado or Southern California, but everyone is an automatic fan of wherever Peyton plays.

The media constantly highlights the damage football does to players' bodies. College professors lament how college football sucks money away from academics for lavish athletic facilities. At the air conditioned box suite above the fray of the commoners' seats at UT, I had flat screen TV monitors above every urinal in the bathroom, a huge catered lunch with plush, leather seats that had lovely views of the Tennessee River (why would I bother watching the game?). Meanwhile, across the street where I got my master's degree, the decrepit classrooms date back to the 60s. The 12-story humanities building was built in 1965 and recently had emergency maintenance because it was literally falling apart. But God forbid we have a losing football season or Peyton breaks a pinkie toe!! 

Side note: I've been a rabid Denver Broncos fan since the days when John Elway was quarterback. I realize this is somewhat hypocritical to my somewhat anti-football establishment rant above, but if you try to deride my team or our players, I WILL CUT YOU!! Peyton Manning better not break a toe, either!!!!!

Anyway, I keep digressing from the main topic: tubefeeding at the football game. I wasn't sure what the food situation was going to be up in the suites, so I opted not to bring my Blendtec and use whatever food they offered at the game. After seeing the smorgasbord our hosts laid out, I will definitely bring my blender next time if I ever have the opportunity again.

"What football game? I'm just here for the food!"

It seemed like there was an entire table devoted to donuts

So I blended up a meal before the game, put it in a blender bottle, and packed it along with my tube, plunger, syringe holders, and towels in a backpack. The University's security has a thing about not bringing any backpacks or liquids into the stadium, but our liaison for the game, Mary Hughes, talked to them beforehand and they let Betsy and I through.

We got passes to stand on the sidelines before the game. Pretty cool!

Couldn't find an outlet for my Blendtec down here

Up in our box seats, I was humbled to meet several other wounded veterans sitting with us. We had an excellent view of the action. Tennessee played Southern Alabama, which should have been an easy game for us, but our team isn't very good this year (they've been struggling since Peyton Manning left) so it turned out to be an exciting game. My seat had a convenient fold-out table I could hook my syringe holder to and I was able to eat without difficulty around halftime.

Could've brought alcohol in my blend, but alas I didn't

Luckily, there was no tubie blowout and I didn't spray food on my fellow veterans

Overall, it was a great experience. I really appreciate how much Mary, and everyone else, bent over backwards to accommodate all the wounded veterans in attendance!