Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Declutter your life!!!!!!

Take the Declutter Challenge!!!!



A year ago today, I had a lot of dead weight in my life. I was a hoarder; holding onto things that left my mind confused and disorganized. Once I got rid of that trash--the useless stuff--holding me back, I was able to focus on the things that really matter: my family, my friends, my community, and my remaining limbs.

You can reorganize your life too!!!!! Do you feel like you're maybe not using all your limbs to their full potential? Is there one you could possibly go without? I've got just the tool to help you eliminate that worthless appendage today!!!!

May require a partner for proper use


Or perhaps this will do it faster?


Don't delay on this. It's best if you act now, even if you've been drinking. Actually, it might be beneficial if you've been drinking. It can be scary to let go of something you've had, literally, since birth--I KNOW! I'm sure you have fond memories using that limb to wave at a loved one, or allowing you to frolic in a grassy meadow, or 'raise the roof' at the dance party, or putting your "left foot in" doing the "Hokey Pokey," or even aiding you as you tie your shoes. But think what you'll gain by not having that limb!!! The lost weight (instant 10-20 pound drop)!!! All your love and attention can be devoted to your three remaining limbs!!! You used to think, Should I wash my left leg or my right leg in the shower today? Well, guess what? Now, you only need to worry about one leg and you're out of the shower in half the time!!! You'll instantly stand out in a crowd. All those other dweebs holding onto 4 limbs will look at you in envy. They'll say stuff like, "How did he DO it??" or "Sure wish I only had three to worry about!!" or even "Is that a man or some sort of sideshow circus freak? DEAR GOD, DON'T LET THE MONSTER TOUCH ME!!" The point is, you'll be the center of attention at every social gathering.

Why stop with your own trash?


7's company, 8's a crowd



Does your significant other have a problem with limb hoarding? Skip the intervention; they won't listen to reason!!! Tonight (don't think about it or second-guess yourself) crumble up some Ambien in their drink. While they're passed out in the surgically sterile master bedroom, use the proper implement...


Might be best to send the kids away during the operation

...to whack off the appendage they can do without (I'd choose the one they keep hitting you with while they're sleeping). They may whine and scream about it when they wake up. They might call you things in the heat of the moment like "monster," or "psychopath," or "demented spawn of Satan." Don't let their rage, divorce proceedings, criminal charges, and lawsuits bother you. You've done the right thing here! You've freed the one you love from something that would have weighed them down for the rest of their lives. You've given them a gift!! In a few years, or after decades of therapy, they'll thank you.


I'm referring to the hand here. And the rest of the arm. Or a leg.

Heck, why stop with limbs? I had way too many ribs filling up my torso. Do you even know how many ribs you have? I was a limb hoarder AND a rib hoarder, and I bet you are too! Sometimes those annoying bones just get in the way!! How can I possibly feel the beating of my own heart if there are ribs and a clavicle in the way?? Do yourself and the world a favor and get rid of that worthless skeletal mass.


I see 205 redundant bones in this picture

**Disclaimer: The blog author is not responsible if you, or your partner, bleed to death.


Friday, September 1, 2017

Tubie Disaster Prep

I have been extremely saddened by the images and videos coming out of Texas and Louisiana over the last week. I could not imagine what it's like to go through an event like that--losing homes, possessions, even lives, to torrential flooding. It is so uplifting to see businesses and private citizens rush to the area to help those in need. From a tube feeding perspective, I was happy to see the Feeding Tube Awareness Group on Facebook had a lengthy thread immediately after the storm hit with people across the country offering various medical supplies for those in need. More recently, they have shared a link to the Parker Lee Project's Facebook page for more information about Harvey relief.

If you'd care to support medically complex kids affected by Harvey, please go to LittleLobbyists.org/Harvey/. They have partnered with the Parker Lee Project, Trach Mommas of Louisiana, Protect Texas Fragile Kids, Advocates for Medically Fragile Kids NC, and Moms of Trach Babies to get money and supplies to struggling families in the region. This is not a situation that will be resolved in a few days or weeks. It will take months, even years, for families and businesses to get back on their feet once the waters have fully receded. Parents trying to feed and care for tube-fed children--on top of losing their homes and livelihood--will need every bit of support we can give over the coming months. If you are able to help, please don't forget about these families. They will need our aid for a long time.

On a more selfish note, the Liebenow household is completely unprepared for a disaster. The situation in Houston following Hurricane Harvey really made Betsy and I re-evaluate how prepared we are for natural--and man-made--disasters. This hasn't been an immediate concern for us because Knoxville seems to be in a lucky part of the country that isn't conducive to natural disasters (at least not while we've lived here). We don't live near the Tennessee River or in a low-lying area, so flooding isn't a concern. We are in the suburbs and, since we moved here in 2009, haven't been subjected to any lengthy power outages. We are hit with the occasional afternoon thunderstorm, but nothing too serious at our house. Tornadoes have been known to hit the region, but again, not our neighborhood. We got a snowstorm once that kept us from driving for a couple days, but still had power.

We've gotten lucky, but that's no excuse for not making some preparations. We have important documents in a fireproof safe and Betsy has her parents and two sisters within a mile of us, so we have a good support network in case of our house burning down or something like that. But we aren't ready for a more widespread disaster like an alien invasion (Independence Day), Russian invasion (Red Dawn), hybrid robot/car invasion (Transformers), meteor impact (Armageddon and Deep Impact), hyper-cooling of the continent due to global warming (The Day After Tomorrow--can someone explain this?), disasters foretold by the Mayan civilization (2012), earthquakes the likes of which only Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson could save us from (San Andreas), sentient monkey insurrection (Planet of the Apes), tornados of sharks (Sharknado), meta-human conflict (see Marvel or DC Comics), the zombie apocalypse (too numerous to mention), pandemics (Outbreak and a bunch of others), or planetary destruction as a demonstration to Princess Leia of the destructive power of the Empire's battle station (actually, if you're reading this from Alderaan, then I have bad news for you).


"Can we borrow your Vitamixer? Also, BRAAAAAAAAINS!!!"



We also aren't ready for widespread disasters that maybe have a higher likelihood of happening (really bad storms and boring--not Michael Bay worthy--stuff like that). The government actually has a pretty good site on preparing for disasters at https://www.ready.gov. They include tips for preparing for a disaster if you have a disability. They also have some recommendations on items you should stow away in an emergency kit. I thought this was a good jumping-off point for a more tubie-specific emergency kit. I'll go ahead and share it here. Feel free to let me know if you have any suggestions.


  • Water - one gallon of water per person per day for at least seven days, for drinking and sanitation (actually, I should probably double that for me because I use a lot of water)
  • Food - at least a seven-day supply of non-perishable food (MREs for Betsy and Grace, 4 boxes of RFBs for Brian)
  • Prescription medications
  • Non-prescription medications such as pain relievers (Tylenol, aspirin, Aleve), anti-diarrhea medication, antacids, laxatives, OTC sleep aids (Melatonin), vitamins
  • Pill crusher (mortar/pestle and the twisty-crusher-thingy)
  • Syringes
  • Syringe holders
  • Extra g-tube
  • Extra Lopez Valve
  • Suction machine with plugs (includes plug for car)
  • Battery-powered or hand crank radio and a NOAA Weather Radio with tone alert
  • Flashlight
  • First aid kit (include Aquaphor lotion for Brian’s neck)
  • Extra batteries
  • Whistle to signal for help
  • Dust mask to help filter contaminated air and plastic sheeting and duct tape to shelter-in-place
  • Moist towelettes, garbage bags, surgical gloves, and plastic ties for personal sanitation
  • Wrench or pliers to turn off utilities (Leatherman tool)
  • Manual can opener for food
  • Local maps
  • Cell phone with chargers and a backup battery
  • Glasses
  • Dog food and extra water for the dog (the birds are screwed; they annoy me anyway)
  • Cash or traveler's checks
  • Important family documents such as copies of insurance policies, identification and bank account records saved electronically or in a waterproof, portable container
  • Sleeping bag or warm blanket for each person
  • Complete change of clothing appropriate for your climate and sturdy shoes
  • Household chlorine bleach and medicine dropper to disinfect water (I also have some iodine tablets)
  • Fire extinguisher
  • Matches in a waterproof container
  • Feminine supplies and personal hygiene items
  • Mess kits, paper cups, plates, paper towels and plastic utensils
  • Blender bottles/plastic measuring cups
  • Paper and pencil
  • Books, games, puzzles or other activities for Grace

Do I have all this stuff? No. We have some of it, but not in one place. But now I have a list! Maybe some of you tubies out there have recommendations for improvement and if you ever manage to gather all those supplies, let me know your address, so I know where to go when I need to shamelessly mooch off you.

Anyway, I hope this is helpful for some of you. Please let me know if you have links to other helpful disaster prep sites, and consider donating to Harvey relief (even if you're reading this months after the hurricane hit)!