Armageddon

A while back, I read an article about the importance of Legacy Letters (also called Ethical Wills), which are written, or recorded sentiments left to loved ones before you die. It is an often repeated sentiment that people at the end of their life regret not expressing some of their hopes, dreams, and life lessons to their family. I got to thinking about this and decided to write letters to Betsy and Grace before my arm amputation surgery. I had personal thoughts, specifically for Grace, about my life, religious views, and hopes for her future, and I felt that a letter would be something she would cherish later in life. Plus, I just wanted to express how proud I am of her. I think this is something all of us should do--it's almost as important as a regular will. The mistake I made was not telling Betsy I was planning on writing these letters before my surgery.

I always fear the worst before these complex procedures, but I didn't want to make Betsy--definitely not my 9 year-old either--worry that I thought I might not wake up. So, I wrote these letters in a rush, late one night, and stuffed them in our locked box where Betsy would eventually run across them after I died. But, as you may have guessed from reading this, I didn't kick the bucket. I also never took those letters out of the locked box, so Betsy came up to me with a rather distressed, tearful expression the other day, extremely pissed off that I would write these letters without saying anything to her about it. I guess what I'm saying here is, strongly consider crafting an Ethical Will even when you're completely healthy. Also, don't hide its existence from your significant other.

So, anyway, the arm is amputated.

Yay!!!!

Yay????

Yay!!!!!

Rocking the Kylo Ren quilt I got from my mother-in-law!!

They ended up taking the arm, 3 ribs, most of the clavicle and scapula. My thoracic surgeon said the bones were the consistency of mush because of the bone infection, but they cleared all that out down to healthy bone tissue. The plastic surgeon flipped up my left arm muscle to cover the wound, so I didn't need a muscle flap from any other part of my body.

Doesn't this remind you of Marty's family photo in Back to the Future,
where parts of his siblings start disappearing?

I got the last of the staples out a couple weeks ago, and the wound seems to have completely healed. Also, finished up a final, six-week course of antibiotics, and so far there is no recurring infection.

Now it looks like I have no arms. Just a tube.

Still adjusting to life with one limb.

Pluses: I use half as much deodorant (I've already saved hundreds of dollars!!!!), my nail trimming time has been reduced by 25% (did I do the math right?), when someone says, "Gimme five!!!" I'm saved from that awkward pause wondering, Which five do they want???? Left??? Right??? Left??? Now I can confidently slap away! Plus all those amputee jokes I've been avoiding because I was afraid of offending anyone are fair game!! Yep, I converted to amputee-ism strictly for the jokes (Seinfeld reference)!

Minuses: My left arm still hurts. I know, there's nothing there so it shouldn't hurt, but I have the same burning/tingling pain as before. Actually, now it's worse. I get these awful pains in my left, imaginary hand like nail-under-the-fingernails-bad every once in a while and I have no control over it. It's like the limb isn't gone at all because I can feel it right now. I have to feel over there to know it's really gone. I'm told this phantom pain will go away over time--hopefully soon.

I can't control my body temperature as well. My right side can't feel temperature, so it rarely sweats. My body compensates by sweating much more on the left side. For some reason this was always much more pronounced in my arms than in my legs. During the winter, the weather gets so dry that my right fingers tips all start cracking and bleeding. Whatever the season, my left arm was almost always covered in a clammy sheen of sweat. With that arm gone, it's like I'm either too hot or too cold all the time. I can't seem to bring my body's temperature to a comfortable level as easily. Especially when I'm sleeping. I wake up roasting under the blankets, then after I get back from walking down the hall I'm shivering. It's hard to explain, but I haven't had a decent night of sleep in a while.

I'm hoping that this is still part of the adjustment and these discomforts fade with time.

From the back it looks like Frankenstein...sorry, I mean Frankenstein's monster

Another bonus to losing the arm has been getting to meet other inspiring amputees like Californian try-lateral amputee Cameron Clapp. He lost both legs and an arm after getting hit by a train when he was 15. Now he travels around the country giving motivational talks about dealing with this tremendous setback. He runs and swims (even surfs!) despite his missing limbs. He has completed triathlons and even made appearances in episodes of a couple TV shows (My Name is Earl and Workaholics). Since we met him, I've already started looking into getting my own prosthetic.

Soon, I'll have my own hook hand!