The Moon Festival

On the fifteenth day of the eighth month of the Chinese calendar, during a full moon, certain Asian cultures (China, Vietnam, and Taiwan for the most part) celebrate the mid-Autumn, or Moon, Festival. It occurs in late September or early October. This year, the festival fell on September 19. Since we believe that it is important to celebrate Grace's Chinese heritage, we always get together with other families in the area who've adopted Asian children--mostly China, but there are some kids from Taiwan and Vietnam--to celebrate the moon festival. 

It is a great opportunity for Grace to get together with Asian kids her age who are in similar circumstances, and we've made a lot of good friends with other adoptive parents. 

Our group normally has a potluck dinner at the Moon Festival. In past years, I've eaten a small meal beforehand, watched everyone else eat at the festival, then eaten another meal when we finally get home after 9 PM. This year, I wanted to eat at the event. A few weeks ago, I bought a couple Blender Bottles from The Vitamin Shoppe near my house. They were $10 apiece but I didn't think I'd find them anywhere else so I went ahead and got them. Then, a few days later I saw a whole bin full of them at Bed Bath & Beyond for $6 each. Happens every time, right? Anyway, they are the perfect size for me to store a meal, they're simple to clean, and have a wide enough mouth for easy pouring. 

BPA Free!!!! Whatever that means.

So, I blended up some leftovers (tilapia, potato soup, blueberries, and a slice of gluten-free banana bread Betsy made for the festival) in the Blendtec and put them in a Blender Bottle before we left. 

I have to admit that it still takes me a lot of courage to eat in front of other people, especially strangers. I know what you're thinking, "If it's so hard for you, Brian, why do you have a blog about publicly tubefeeding??" Well, the truth is, no one actually reads this blog, so it's really more of a "diary"....HA HA HA! Just kidding, thousands of people read this blog every day. Tens of thousands. I get a million hits on this blog every week. My blog's been featured on Oprah. It's been translated into 27 different languages. It'll be the action-packed summer blockbuster of 2014.

Back to reality. If I'm with friends or family sitting around a more intimate table at a restaurant, I'm more comfortable. However, at the Moon Festival I was sitting at a picnic table, surrounded by families I hadn't met before. My feeding tube holder wouldn't fit on the edge of the table, so it was awkwardly clipped at a low angle. The bench I was sitting on was closer to the table than I like to be. I stubbornly didn't ask Betsy to help and push my food in for me, because I didn't want to make more of a scene than I already was. Grace was sitting next to me and Betsy was having a nice conversation with the friendly mother seated across from us. I don't know if my food wasn't blended up enough (I doubt it; I blended for a while), or the tube holder was keeping the tube so low that it caused a kink in my tube, but my blend was proving to be really hard to push in. I should have asked Betsy to push in the food or added some water to the blend and shaken it up to be a little thinner, but I just pushed harder on the plunger. Of course, Betsy was in the middle of talking to her new friend when I pushed too hard, the tube popped off, and blended food spurted everywhere around me. I was extremely embarrassed, Grace was loudly complaining that I got food on her new shirt, and I don't know who else got the blend on them (this was a blend that included leftover fish too). Just a couple minutes before this happened, another guy at the table dropped his water bottle and got a few drops on me. I remember thinking, "that's real considerate; spills water on me and he doesn't even apologize?" So I just sprayed a fish blend on these people...great. I tried to mop up what I could with my dish towel, grabbed my tube and plunger, mumbled something to Betsy about going to the bathroom, and got the hell out of there.

So yeah, it's still really hard for me to tubefeed in front of strangers, especially when disaster strikes. I guess incidents like this will just give me more courage in the future. I can say, "Sure, I got a bad clog in my tube, but at least I didn't spray fish juice on everyone within a 10 ft. radius!"

So, other than The Infamous Fish Explosion of 2013 (that's what the pundits are calling it now) we had a really pleasant evening. Grace and the other kids made their own lanterns. Then, they listened to a story about the moon festival. After that they took a parade walk around the park--stopping along the way for a group photo. Finally, the best part of the evening (right when the full moon was rising!) was when each family lit a paper lantern and let it fly up into the night sky. It was a beautiful sight to see. Grace didn't want to leave and is already talking excitedly about next year.

Grace and best friend on the lantern walk

Group photo. I remember when Grace was the smallest one and sat in the front. *sniff, sniff 

Lighting the lantern

"Yep, it's on fire!"

Up they go! 100% environmentally friendly (at least that's what the box says)

I think she's laying in duck poop

The next blockbuster

Pasta Wars: The year is 3145 AD. A dystopian future where all food is tasteless pink goo and everyone eats through feeding tubes. There aren't even flying cars. Or personal jetpacks. On one cold autumn morning, our young protagonist is looking through his great-grandmother's old things when he discovers an ancient, handwritten index card, yellowed and brittle with age. On it, in flowing cursive, is a recipe for mac and cheese. His life, and the lives of all people who eke a living in that grim time, are forever altered by that event. 

Alternate story line - Type 2 Diabetes Strikes Back - Our young protagonist is digging in the barren lot outside his grey, blocky apartment complex when he unearths a box of Twinkie's. Astoundingly, the cream-filled cakes taste the same as the day they were made more than 1,000 years ago. Obesity once again threatens the earth.

George Lucas has been uninterested in my repeated attempts to sell him this storyline. I think this could be the breakthrough that sends his filmmaking career skyrocketing.

The Cheesecake Factory

Ah, The Cheesecake Factory. The factory where cheesecake is made. The place where cheesecake is born. 

"Mommy, where does cheesecake come from?" 

"Why, from The Cheesecake Factory, dear. Now shut up and stop asking so many damn questions."

Honestly, is there a restaurant with a better name than "The Cheesecake Factory"?? 

The Olive Garden? No, a lot of people don't like olives. I don't like olives. Do they only serve olives? I thought olives grew on trees. So shouldn't it be The Olive Orchard?

Aren't those grapes on your sign? Where's the olives, damn it???

Chili's? Does that mean all your food is spicy? I don't like spicy food. Or Mexican? It's not Mexican though. Or do you only serve chili there? I'm confused. I don't like to be confused about the place where I eat. Why name your restaurant after a spicy vegetable? Why not a vegetable for the everyman, like the potato? Let's all eat at Potato's! Potato Head? I'm getting off track.

Who wouldn't like Mr. Potato Head's?

The Outback? That's just a big desert in Australia. Why not call your restaurant The Sahara or The Gobi, because nothing makes me think about food like the thought of a place where THERE IS NO FOOD! COME ON, PEOPLE!!!!

There's an onion bloomin' out there somewhere; I know it!!

Ruby Tuesday? That name comes from a Rolling Stones song allegedly about Keith Richard's girlfriend, who was messed up on drugs (true story; look it up on Wikipedia). Sooooo...let's all eat at the crack house? Is that what you're saying? Do they even research this stuff before they pick out a name?? "OOHHH! Let's call our new restaurant 'Blurred Lines' after that new Robin Thicke song!!! Who cares what that song is about or what Miley Cyrus did at the VMAs; isn't the name cool??"

Sure, Keith, your "girlfriend" was the one on drugs

TGIF? No way. Are you only supposed to eat there on Fridays? And what about atheists? They're not thanking God it's Friday. Buddhists are thanking that big tubby dude. And he probably eats at The Cheesecake Factory anyway--or Dunkin' Donuts. Just look at him! Hindus are thanking multiple Gods that it's Friday. Or they're thanking cows. I'm an ignorant American so I honestly don't know. Regardless, TGIF is clearly not all inclusive.

"Thank Allah It's Friday! Because it's Ramadan and I still can't eat."

The Cheesecake Factory--now THERE'S a name!!! Who doesn't love cheesecake? Seriously, who doesn't like it because I will force it down your throat until you do!! Don't even talk to me about your lactose intolerance! Also, by naming their restaurant The Cheesecake Factory, they've guaranteed that every customer will get desert. Nobody goes to The Cheesecake Factory just for their salads. Do people go to Hooter's just for the food? Sorry, poor analogy; Betsy loves their fried pickles. Anyway, The Cheesecake Factory has every possible variety of cheesecake to choose from. From a casual perusal of their menu I count 31 varieties of cheesecake. 31!!! Strawberry, you ask? Yeah. Chocolate? Yep. Banana cream? That too. How about chocolate chip cookie dough?? Uh huh. But what about chocolate chip coconut cheesecake with layers of chocolate cake, brownie and coconut pecan frosting??? Oh yeah, that's called "Chris' Outrageous Cheesecake," so thank you, Chris, for that bit of craziness. "But Brian," you say, "do they have gluten free cheesecake??" As a matter of fact, dear reader, their Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake is flourless so you can eat it until you've entered a coma without feeling guilty. Well, except for the sugar. Too much sugar is frowned upon these days. What they really need is a low carb cheesecake with strawberries sweetened with Splenda. Wait, what??? They have that too?!? ARE THEY READING MY MIND?!?!?

I've gotten fatter just looking at it

So, a Cheesecake Factory opened here in Knoxville (less than a mile from my house!!!) a few months ago. Betsy's parents were visiting to see Betsy's youngest sister, Sarah's, baby and we wanted to go out to celebrate Sarah getting a new job. We figured the crowds had died down enough since the grand opening for us to get a seat at The Cheesecake Factory so I packed up the Blendtec and we headed over there on Friday. Before we went, Betsy called ahead and told them about me eating through a tube. They said no problem and told us to ask for Richard. We got there and the place was really packed, but we didn't have to wait more than a few minutes for a table.

The place where dreams come true

The Cheesecake Factory doesn't have a gluten free menu. Apparently, they are working on it and hope to come out with one at the end of the year. They do highlight some of their menu items that are gluten free or can easily be modified. I got the salmon with broccoli and mashed potatoes. As usual, I told them to put all the food in the pitcher, add a cup and a half of water, flip the Blendtec on, and hit the soup/fondue button. The blend came out well blended, if a little on the hot side. I thought about having them throw a slice of the Godiva chocolate cheesecake in there but I'm glad I didn't. The salmon meal was extremely filling and it was already a thick blend without adding cheesecake to it.

Grace is just thinking about cheesecake

Everyone else at our table liked their meals. Our waitress was excellent and Richard the manager was very attentive to my special needs. The one negative thing I'll say about The Cheesecake Factory is their cocktails. Betsy got an Asian Pear Martini, which was delicious. Then we got the bill. That martini cost $10.50!!! Betsy's mom got a Pomegranate Margarita, which we discovered was $10!! My advice is to drink water and get drunk on cheesecake.

Our excellent manager, Richard Potter

Oh, and I took my Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake home, ate it on Saturday, and it was delicious!! At least I imagine it was; I didn't taste it.