The Cheesecake Factory

Ah, The Cheesecake Factory. The factory where cheesecake is made. The place where cheesecake is born. 

"Mommy, where does cheesecake come from?" 

"Why, from The Cheesecake Factory, dear. Now shut up and stop asking so many damn questions."

Honestly, is there a restaurant with a better name than "The Cheesecake Factory"?? 

The Olive Garden? No, a lot of people don't like olives. I don't like olives. Do they only serve olives? I thought olives grew on trees. So shouldn't it be The Olive Orchard?

Aren't those grapes on your sign? Where's the olives, damn it???

Chili's? Does that mean all your food is spicy? I don't like spicy food. Or Mexican? It's not Mexican though. Or do you only serve chili there? I'm confused. I don't like to be confused about the place where I eat. Why name your restaurant after a spicy vegetable? Why not a vegetable for the everyman, like the potato? Let's all eat at Potato's! Potato Head? I'm getting off track.

Who wouldn't like Mr. Potato Head's?

The Outback? That's just a big desert in Australia. Why not call your restaurant The Sahara or The Gobi, because nothing makes me think about food like the thought of a place where THERE IS NO FOOD! COME ON, PEOPLE!!!!

There's an onion bloomin' out there somewhere; I know it!!

Ruby Tuesday? That name comes from a Rolling Stones song allegedly about Keith Richard's girlfriend, who was messed up on drugs (true story; look it up on Wikipedia). Sooooo...let's all eat at the crack house? Is that what you're saying? Do they even research this stuff before they pick out a name?? "OOHHH! Let's call our new restaurant 'Blurred Lines' after that new Robin Thicke song!!! Who cares what that song is about or what Miley Cyrus did at the VMAs; isn't the name cool??"

Sure, Keith, your "girlfriend" was the one on drugs

TGIF? No way. Are you only supposed to eat there on Fridays? And what about atheists? They're not thanking God it's Friday. Buddhists are thanking that big tubby dude. And he probably eats at The Cheesecake Factory anyway--or Dunkin' Donuts. Just look at him! Hindus are thanking multiple Gods that it's Friday. Or they're thanking cows. I'm an ignorant American so I honestly don't know. Regardless, TGIF is clearly not all inclusive.

"Thank Allah It's Friday! Because it's Ramadan and I still can't eat."

The Cheesecake Factory--now THERE'S a name!!! Who doesn't love cheesecake? Seriously, who doesn't like it because I will force it down your throat until you do!! Don't even talk to me about your lactose intolerance! Also, by naming their restaurant The Cheesecake Factory, they've guaranteed that every customer will get desert. Nobody goes to The Cheesecake Factory just for their salads. Do people go to Hooter's just for the food? Sorry, poor analogy; Betsy loves their fried pickles. Anyway, The Cheesecake Factory has every possible variety of cheesecake to choose from. From a casual perusal of their menu I count 31 varieties of cheesecake. 31!!! Strawberry, you ask? Yeah. Chocolate? Yep. Banana cream? That too. How about chocolate chip cookie dough?? Uh huh. But what about chocolate chip coconut cheesecake with layers of chocolate cake, brownie and coconut pecan frosting??? Oh yeah, that's called "Chris' Outrageous Cheesecake," so thank you, Chris, for that bit of craziness. "But Brian," you say, "do they have gluten free cheesecake??" As a matter of fact, dear reader, their Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake is flourless so you can eat it until you've entered a coma without feeling guilty. Well, except for the sugar. Too much sugar is frowned upon these days. What they really need is a low carb cheesecake with strawberries sweetened with Splenda. Wait, what??? They have that too?!? ARE THEY READING MY MIND?!?!?

I've gotten fatter just looking at it

So, a Cheesecake Factory opened here in Knoxville (less than a mile from my house!!!) a few months ago. Betsy's parents were visiting to see Betsy's youngest sister, Sarah's, baby and we wanted to go out to celebrate Sarah getting a new job. We figured the crowds had died down enough since the grand opening for us to get a seat at The Cheesecake Factory so I packed up the Blendtec and we headed over there on Friday. Before we went, Betsy called ahead and told them about me eating through a tube. They said no problem and told us to ask for Richard. We got there and the place was really packed, but we didn't have to wait more than a few minutes for a table.

The place where dreams come true

The Cheesecake Factory doesn't have a gluten free menu. Apparently, they are working on it and hope to come out with one at the end of the year. They do highlight some of their menu items that are gluten free or can easily be modified. I got the salmon with broccoli and mashed potatoes. As usual, I told them to put all the food in the pitcher, add a cup and a half of water, flip the Blendtec on, and hit the soup/fondue button. The blend came out well blended, if a little on the hot side. I thought about having them throw a slice of the Godiva chocolate cheesecake in there but I'm glad I didn't. The salmon meal was extremely filling and it was already a thick blend without adding cheesecake to it.

Grace is just thinking about cheesecake

Everyone else at our table liked their meals. Our waitress was excellent and Richard the manager was very attentive to my special needs. The one negative thing I'll say about The Cheesecake Factory is their cocktails. Betsy got an Asian Pear Martini, which was delicious. Then we got the bill. That martini cost $10.50!!! Betsy's mom got a Pomegranate Margarita, which we discovered was $10!! My advice is to drink water and get drunk on cheesecake.

Our excellent manager, Richard Potter

Oh, and I took my Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake home, ate it on Saturday, and it was delicious!! At least I imagine it was; I didn't taste it.