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We finally made it home early Wednesday morning.

No, we never caught a military flight home. Showing up at the passenger terminal on Hickam Air Force Base in the middle of the night all dressed for flying with everything packed gets pretty old fast. We weren't even close to making it on those flights. Here's a little snapshot of a couple days we tried to get on a flight back to the mainland:

How am I not category 0.5??

So, never mind the flights to Japan and Guam. The Air Force flies there pretty regularly, but that was the opposite direction from Tennessee. One flight to Travis Air Force Base, outside San Francisco, only released 10 seats, yet 144 people (including us) tried to get on. We were category 6, but they rarely went lower than 3. Salt Lake City went up to category 4 for their 20 seats--we tried to get on that one too. Here's the last day we tried to fly home:

We were so close to continuing our vacation on Kwajalein Atoll

I was hoping to get on the flight to Fort Worth, which was then planning to fly to North Carolina. Unfortunately, 120 other people showed up with us at 1:10 AM for 16 potential seats. It was looking increasingly hopeless for us to ever make it home on a military aircraft, so we bought tickets through Priceline. The cheapest thing we could find left at 8 PM Monday night and arrived in Los Angeles the next morning. After a three hour layover we flew to San Diego for another 3 hour layover (the closest I've ever come to Comicon) and a change in airlines (American to United). We then took a United flight to San Francisco and a two hour layover before our final flight to Atlanta, which landed at 11:30 PM.

LAX - mommy got no sleep on the red-eye flight

San Diego - probably the nicest airport I've ever been to

San Francisco - I guess Betsy can sleep through anything

While on the flight to Atlanta, Betsy struck up a conversation with a father who told her his four year-old son was tube fed. Betsy asked if I could meet him after the flight and he said that would be great, so while I was waiting for our luggage, I got to meet Gage.

My hero, Gage

Gage is a super cool kid who has a button. He used to have a PEG tube but recently switched to a button because it's more practical for an active young man like him. I could tell he was as excited about meeting another tubie as I was. He introduced me to his entire family in the airport, including mom and dad, two siblings and his grandmother. He loves Legos and The Lego Movie. He even broke into an excellent rendition of "Everything is Awesome." I think he could've talked with me the whole night, but his parents said he had to get to bed. Words can't describe how inspiring it was to meet other tubies like Gage and Jesse Jones who overcome the setback of having a feeding tube with such a positive attitude. 

It was still a three hour drive from Atlanta to Knoxville. We could've sayed at my sister-in-law, Katie's house ("Hey Brian, watcha doin") because she lives just outside Atlanta. However, she wouldn't have been able to drive us home for another couple days and we didn't relish the idea of being so close to our goal--much less living in Katie's house; you should see that place!! Budget rent-a-car was offering a really good deal on cars and it was technically only 5:30 PM Hawaii time (even though we'd gotten very little sleep) so we got a car at the airport and drove home. We had to stop at Waffle House for coffee and a Real Food Blend.

Thanks, Jesse, for the Real Food Blend!!

We didn't end up pulling into our driveway until just after 5 AM. It sure felt good to be home though.

The dog acted like he didn't care, but I think he missed me deep down

Hawaii was an amazing experience. Watching F-16s getting refueled, the Polynesian Cultural Center, meeting Jesse Jones (and Gage!), the beaches on all four sides of the island, snorkeling, Waimea Falls, great seafood, touring the USS Missouri battleship and the Bowfin submarine. Oh yeah, and Grace got to do this:

What?!?!?

So, even though we'll be paying off our credit card until the year 2034, it was a fantastic experience. I'll try to write more about eating in Hawaii on another post.

Tubie Log - Day 14

What day is this? Friday? Saturday?

How long have I been here? Weeks? Months?

What does my dog look like?

Oh that's what he looks like. But what's that white stuff?

Every day is the same. Partly cloudy...high of 87°...chance for afternoon showers...I could be a weatherman here. Might as well. I'm never leaving this island. 

I've depleted my supply of Real Food Blends. A fellow tubie here, Jesse Jones, has been kind enough to give me some RFB's and Liquid Hope to last a few more days. Liquid Hope is nice because it has more adult size portions, though the chickpeas give me eczema. What will I do if I run out of food? The Asian kid traveling with me looks tasty. She might fit in my Vitamix. Wait...did I just type that out loud?

Gluten free?

The locals are starting to recognize us now. Cute Chinese kid. Twenty-something wife with an older gentleman dragging a blender everywhere. The one who drinks Mai Tai's in 5 seconds down a feeding tube.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh....relief from my misery...

Went to another role call this morning. This one was to Oklahoma. Every time, we have to pack all our stuff, change into long pants with socks and shoes, and sit in the terminal while a bored enlisted guy reads out the names of those who've been 'chosen'. 

If there's only one seat left, I'm leaving them. I wouldn't say it to their faces, but I can admit it here in my private diary.

The chosen ones don't look much different from me. A few desperate families ecstatic about being picked while the rest of the crowd looks on enviously. Unkind thoughts flit through my mind. 

Those two don't deserve to get on. They look far too happy. They haven't suffered enough to merit a slot out of here. Can Grace take them out and make it look like an accident?

That couple has 5 kids. Five bratty, snot-nosed kids just took our coveted seats to freedom. Are they not aware of over-population issues? Ever hear about birth-control?

I don't think that old guy's gonna make it to the aircraft. If I scare him really bad, could I induce a heart attack and take his spot?

I'm in a group of about 50 people. There're around 150 who want off the island, but we're the only ones foolish enough to believe we have a shot. We stare morosely into empty space, wondering where we'll stay tonight. When is the next flight? Can we squeeze one more night out of this hotel or will we have to find another one? How can we go another day in that tiny, economy rent-a-car, sleeping on a strange bed, pulling my blender around from meal to meal.

A no-notice flight to CA just got announced. Time for a little more disappointment.

Then I'll drown my sorrows in a Mai Tai on the beach. It's a tough life. Not sure how much more I can take...

I know you feel our pain.

We may just walk in the ocean and keep on walking.

We're unwashed and stinky, but at least we're stinky together.

Trapped in Paradise

The good news is we're in Hawaii. The bad news? We are unable to find a flight home. I think I mentioned something in my last post about the fact that we are low on the priority scale for Space A military flights back to the mainland. We are priority 6 out of 6, and it turns out there are quite a few military types here on vacation or military troops who live here and have some time to catch a flight to the Continental US (CONUS) to see their families. I blithely said something about, "we'll worry about that later."

So now it's been almost a week. We've had an awesome time. You may have seen some of the pictures on my facebook page or on the Traveling Tubie site. I'll try to share some here as well, though I can't add any clever captions. I had plenty of amazing experiences. 

We rode on a refueling plane on the way here and got to see F-16s getting refueled several times over the Pacific.

This could be a recruitment poster.

F-16s are tubies too!

We took Grace to the Polynesian Cultural Center where you can learn all about the native people on the islands in the South Pacific (New Zealand, Samoa, Fiji, Hawaii, and a couple more I can't think of right now). The presentation by the Samoans was a highlight because the guy was a comedian and made everyone laugh as he described how you harvest and eat coconuts. There was also a luau (with awesome roasted pig) and a show about Pacific island culture, complete with throwing fire around--Grace really liked that. They let me put all the great local food in my blender (I brought my Vitamix this time because I've had problems with the Blendtec) and they blended it up and brought it out to me.

I met Jesse Jones. This was my first time meeting another tubie in the flesh, so now I know I'm not so special after all. Jesse had throat cancer back in the 80s. He got more than 4 times the radiation I got to the same area as me (left side of head and neck). So he has remarkably similar symptoms to mine. He has very limited use of his left hand. Loss of feeling on the right side. He can't swallow anything. He has ringing in his ear. But his symptoms took years to show up and mine only happened after a year. He can only talk with a whisper. Also he requires oxygen 24 hours a day. This actually worried me quite a bit. If he is as bad as I am after getting 90 rads of radiation 25-30 years ago, then how long will it be before I require oxygen and only speak with a whisper even though I only got a paltry 20 rads? Hopefully that's a long ways off. 

I'm giving that sign because I'm Hawaiian now.

Anyway, Jesse doesn't let any of that get him down. He operates a website called drinkyourmeals.com where tubies (or anyone on a liquid diet) can get delicious meal recipes. He is biking 100 miles in September to raise money and awareness for cancer survivors. He rides 10-20 miles almost every day on his trike. It's a pretty awesome trike too. I have one but it doesn't have any of the features his has. Check out videos of him on youtube: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcvEw_k54WA 

We've gone to the beach a bunch of times. Grace got to bury me in the sand. I think this was the best part of the trip for her because she's been talking about burying me since Tennessee (I'm really happy she's so eager to bury me). We built a bunch of sandcastles, only to watch them get demolished by the waves. Some people are really worried about protecting their tubes when they go in the water. I haven't had any problems though. I just let it hang out and took a shower after I got out.

Shortly before Betsy threw her in.

She liked burying my head even more.

We saw Waimea Falls today; a beautiful waterfall on the north shore of Oahu.

They used to have a show where they dive off cliffs into the pool, but they stopped doing that in 2003. Probably because some moron like me fell off and broke their neck.

We saw Dole Pineapple Plantation. Betsy and I came here several years ago and we wanted to bring Grace and let her try their maze (even bigger now).

Riding the Pineapple Express, kinda like the Polar Express, only with pineapples, and no santa, and we're in Hawaii...ok it's nothing like the Polar Express.

I did some snorkeling in Hanauma Bay. I was worried about snorkeling because I wasn't sure I could put my mouth around the snorkel tight enough to breathe. But, it worked out fine. Betsy and I saw fish, but Grace was a little worried about going out in the big waves. Hopefully we'll get her out there if we go again later this week.

Stunning scenery.

This brings us back to our problem. We are trapped here. The flight back to Tennessee left with very little notice (we missed it completely) on Friday. There was potentially a flight today to New Orleans, but they decided not to open up any seats. There will be a flight to Illinois on Tuesday, but I'm worried a lot of people with higher priorities than ours will also want to get on it. There are loads of flights to a base outside San Francisco, but those get filled pretty fast with people who are Priorities 1-3. Anyway, San Francisco is a long way from Tennessee if we want to rent a car or catch a one-way flight. Meanwhile, we are moving from one room to another on the island; basically any military lodging with an opening because staying anywhere else gets expensive. I'm worried that Hawaii's homeless population is made up entirely of retired military people still waiting for a flight back to the US.

Meanwhile little things about my traveling companions have started to grate on my nerves. For example, Grace can whistle. Grace is very proud of her ability to whistle. She believes that when she whistles, Hawaiian birds understand her. Not only can she whistle when she breathes out, but she can also whistle breathing in. Do you see what this means? She whistles All. The. Time. Nonstop. Without taking a breath. I'm living with a frickin' canary here.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh Boo Hoo, you have to spend more time in Hawaii while Tennessee is roasting in hot, humid, 90+ degree weather. Quit your whining and go lay in the sand."

Fine. I'll just go do that.

Went to watch the sunset right after I uploaded this post just so I can rub it in your faces. HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Hawaii or Bust

As I write this, I'm still packing for a long trip of questionable duration. In the morning, I will be sitting on a plane headed for an Air Force reserve base just outside Los Angeles. The family will be sitting with about 25 other people on seats like this:

If you think this is bad, you should see the seats back in coach

Once we reach California, we'll stay the night at base lodging (like an inexpensive hotel room). The next morning, assuming our 50+ year-old plane hasn't broken down, we will fly to Hickam Air Force Base in Hawaii. For free.

How did we get this opportunity, you ask? The Air Force does something called Space Available Travel. If one of their cargo planes is flying somewhere in the U.S. or overseas and they have room on the plane, they offer it up to active duty or retired military and their families. I was medically retired from the Air Force, so I'm eligible to fly Space A (we call it 'taking a Hop'). 

There is a pecking order to get on flights. For instance, if there are only 5 seats available on a C-130 flight to Germany and 5 active duty military members want to travel, they have priority over me. If 5 active duty military folks who have orders to Germany (meaning they need to go for work) want to go, they would have priority over anyone traveling for leisure. Being retired, I'm at the bottom of the pecking order. This isn't as big of a deal out of smaller bases like the National Guard base here in Knoxville, but when we try to fly home from Hawaii, it may prove to be a problem. I'll worry about that later.

The flight schedules for air base terminals are only released a few days in advance. We knew that the base in Knoxville takes one or two flights to the base in Hawaii during the summer, but we had no idea exactly when. So, two or three times a day, for the last two months, I've been calling the terminal and listening to their recorded message about upcoming trips. And for the last two months there's been absolutely nothing. Same message every time. I could repeat it from memory. "You have reached the 134th Air Terminal Space-A information line. Customer service hours are blah blah blah. The air terminal is located yada yada yada. As of 6 June, we do not have any trips available..." 

We've been calling this number every summer for the last few years, hoping to get a flight. A couple years ago, we got on a flight and our schedule was free so we packed up for the trip. We got completely psyched to go. We told Grace stories about Hawaii and how she would spend her birthday there. We got someone to take care of our dog while we were gone and Betsy's sister promised to look after our house. I booked rooms at three different hotels because no hotel had vacancies every night we planned to be there. I reserved a rental car. We made plans to meet up with friends for lunch the second day we were there. The morning of our flight, we drove to the terminal and showed up at the door with all our luggage in tow. "Oh, I'm sorry," they told us, "that flight's been cancelled." "Will there be another flight," we wondered? "No, not this summer."

So that was it. Dreams crushed. Birthday ruined. A bunch of reservations to cancel.

You can see why we aren't entirely sure we'll get to Hawaii until the plane takes off. Actually, I won't be sure until we take off from California. If I post an update tomorrow that shows Grace crying in a corner of the house, you'll know how the trip went.

What sort of plane will we be on? It is a Boeing KC-135 Stratotanker. A refueler. These planes were used during Vietnam to refuel fighter aircraft and bombers and are still in use today. The last time I was on one was a hop to Germany about 15 years ago. I got to see the plane while it was refueling an F-16. Pretty cool to watch.

They'll refuel your car on cross-country trips too

A gallon of gas is crazy expensive up here

The ride isn't the most comfortable. It isn't climate controlled, so even though the destination is Hawaii, we have to bring warm clothes and blankets for the trip. It's extremely noisy and will require earplugs. There's no flight attendant and no drinks or meals provided, though they said they'd have water. Not sure about the bathroom situation. I don't think Betsy will be happy if it's just a bucket behind a curtain. I'm not complaining though because Hawaii. Free.

For my own meals on the flight (should be four hours to LA and about the same to Hawaii) I'll bring Real Food Blends. Last month, the company asked me to try out powdered meals. I got a jar of turkey, papaya, and avocado powder. It is perfect for a trip like this. I just wish I had more to bring for every leg of my flight (they aren't on the market yet). What I ended up doing was dumping the rest of my jar (I'd used about half for a test meal) in a blender bottle. About halfway through the flight, I will fill the bottle up with water, shake it up really well, and have myself a turkey dinner.

Dehydrating retains essential vitamins and nutrients really well

Once we've arrived in Hawaii, we have reservations to stay at the Marine base on the east side of Oahu for a couple nights. Then, we were able to rent a cheap studio apartment on the north shore for four nights. After that, I have no idea where we'll be--maybe just sleep on the beach? I have enough medications for three weeks. I've got my blender, a few syringes, a few Real Food Blends and two swim suits. Grace and Betsy may or may not be packed. I'm really only concerned with 'Team-Brian' so they could be dressed in rags with no food. Should be an adventure!!