HBO GO

If you're an avid reader of my blog (mom), then you may recall that this past spring, the family took a trip to the North Carolina outer banks.  The weather that week was cold and, for the most part, overcast. However, there was a day when the sun came out, the temperature warmed up, and we all went horseback riding on the beach. Normally, when it's really hot and sunny, I'm hyper-vigilant about having sun protection for my neck. It already has some nasty radiation burns, and I don't need sun burns on top of that. So, I usually smear on the sunscreen and maybe wrap a silk scarf around my neck (fashionable!). But, the weather was still chilly, and I wasn't entirely certain the sun was going to peak out that day. So, I had a sweatshirt on, which I later took off, and my neck was totally exposed above my T-shirt. The sun was beating down on my neck for over an hour, yet I didn't even think about covering up because it was windy and still a little chilly. Who thinks about sunburn when it's cold out?? You know...other than people with common sense.

We got back to our rental house, and I immediately knew I was in trouble when I spied the enormous blister on my neck. I took my shirt off and the blister popped after barely brushing against the shirt's fabric. This disgusting sunburn left me with an open wound that I am STILL dealing with today. Even a scratch in this area takes forever to heal because everything around my left shoulder and neck is compromised. When I hiked up in Maryland last year for Team R4V, I wore a backpack and the strap on my left shoulder rubbed against my neck so much that I was dealing with the resultant wound for months.

I go to a wound care clinic at the University of Tennessee Medical Center. They treat a variety of injuries there, but severe radiation burns are infrequent. So, I don't have a great deal of confidence in my care. For the most part, my doctor scrapes away the dead tissue from the edge of my wound until it bleeds, then tries various salves and bandages to see which combination has a positive effect on the injury. Here's a picture of my wound in September when they were trying one bandage that looks like a piece of paper towel, but would actually cost my insurance company a couple hundred bucks:

You like my ink?

And here's the wound today after I took my monthly shower:

I lied before. I take bi-monthly showers.

In my opinion, the wound looks about the same, if not slightly larger, than it did way back in March--it definitely looks just as gross. This is extremely annoying for myriad reasons. I can't swim because I don't want it infected (no pool time for me this past summer). The injury sometimes bleeds a crapload--although this never leads to healthy coagulation/new skin growth. Other times it just oozes yelowish pus. I have no feeling in that area, which is nice in a way because I don't feel pain, but I can also can never tell how it's doing. Is it bleeding today? Draining some other fluid? What color is the fluid? Does it smell funny? Did an axe-murderer just chop a chunk out of my shoulder? I wouldn't know, and it's in a awkward area that's hard to see in the mirror and nearly impossible to keep any sort of bandage on the curve of my neck long-term. The worst indignity is that I have to go to the wound care clinic once a week where the good doctor often keeps me waiting in a cold room, shirtless, for at least an hour before she graces me with her presence.

This thing has gone on so long that we finally decided to try hyperbaric oxygen (HBO) therapy. HBO involves sitting or laying in a pressurized chamber that is filled with an abundance of oxygen (the equivalent of one atmosphere of extra oxygen). You stay in the chamber for about 90 minutes and the added oxygen aids the healing process. I've done this a few times before (okay, I've done it about 80 times before) in Colorado and Texas when my oral surgeons were trying to heal my jaw bone from radiation damage.

These are the four chambers at UT. We each get our own TV

Amusing sidenote: the 15 HBO dives I did in Texas were in a walk-in chamber that was originally used during the construction of the Panama Canal. You can use HBO to cure divers who get the 'bends' from coming up to the surface too quickly. What I'm saying is, the chamber was more than a century old. One of the guys I was in the Texas chamber with got bitten by a brown recluse spider and lost half of his foot, but he was seeing amazing results from doing HBO.

I my case, however, HBO didn't do much for my jaw that I could see. I was hopeful that this round of HBO in Tennessee would yield better results because my neck/shoulder wound is a different type of injury than radiation damage to my jaw bone.

The University of Tennessee doesn't have a big walk-in chamber. Like the hospital in Colorado where I got treatment, UT has these glass 'coffin' looking tubes that you lie down in. You're not allowed to bring anything in the chamber because there's a huge risk of fires in the highly oxygenated environment. So, I couldn't do what I'd really prefer to do for 90 minutes: read a book. Instead, I had to choose from crappy, mid-day programs on basic cable or I could watch a DVD. I usually chose the DVD, so I can give you a run-down on most of the recent movies available to rent (Pixels really sucks). I'm even man enough to admit that I watched The Fault in Our Stars one day, and I may have had something in my eye toward the end of the film.

Not so cool for 90 minutes if you're claustrophobic

So, yeah, HBO sucked a whole lot of time out of my day and involved a lot of boring TV. I've just finished 40 dives, and I'm not sure if it was beneficial. We're leaving for Germany in a few days. I'll see if anything about my wound improves while we're away or if I need to look around for a different wound care clinic when I get home.

Syringe holder update

I did a post a few months ago about my homemade feeding tube holder. I converted it from a cheap clamp lamp I got at Lowe's, so I don't need to hold my syringe while I eat and I can do everything one-handed.

My friend, Jesse Jones, recently told me about another syringe holder that's been around for a while, the Jackson PEG Stand (http://www.jacksonpegtubestands.com).  I was initially put off by the price of this syringe holder ($250!!!!). I wrote to the company and asked if it was made of titanium, but they never responded.  Despite the cost, I really had to get this syringe holder. The one I have, and the Jofas Clamp, need to connect to a table or some other surface that's not too wide, but not too flimsy. The beauty of the Jackson Stand is that you don't need to be tethered to a table. You just put the stand between your legs and sit on the base.

See their handy promotional video

This allows me to eat independently in places I wouldn't normally be able to eat, like on a bench or out in the woods camping, or sitting at my gate at the airport, or at our Crossfit Christmas chili cookoff last night:

Unfortunately can't blame the stand for allowing me to drink too much beer last night

So now I don't need to worry about the width of my table when I go out to eat. The Jackson PEG Stand is a game-changer for me and I highly recommend it if you have the means (that's a big "if," I know).

FNCE 2015!

A TALE OF TWO FAMILIES

The Bombacino's

Julie and Tony Bombacino have two children.  Their youngest, A.J., is four years old.  He's been diagnosed with cerebral palsy, global developmental delays, autism and epilepsy.  Due to his condition, he is still unable to walk or communicate.  He also eats through a feeding tube.  When Julie first started feeding him at home, he couldn't tolerate any of the formulas his doctor prescribed.  So, she started blending all his meals up in a Vitamix.  This proved to be time consuming, but it worked, so the family endured.

Julie and A.J., who is also Superman

Then, on a family trip to Disney World, while spending most of her time blending food for her son, Julie had an idea.  What if there were commercial, shelf-stable blended meals for tube feeders?  Not formula; REAL food, with REAL ingredients like she blended at home!  Julie went through all the steps of starting a business: work with nutritionists and food scientists to develop meals and get them approved by the USDA, get investors and launch a crowdfunding (Indiegogo) campaign to raise money and awareness, find a factory in the U.S. that could mass produce each meal, develop a website and marketing campaign, and I've probably missed a few dozen more steps she went through. Around January, 2014, the Bombacino's dream became reality and the first Real Food Blends started shipping out to eager customers.

Coming next month in powdered form!

Fast forward to today.  Real Food Blends has grown dramatically.  The meals are approved by most insurance and starting to be accepted in hospitals.  A new meal is coming out next month (Turkey!). Julie and Tony are incredibly busy.  Meetings with insurance companies, hospitals, doctors, nutritionists, dietitians, and individual customers have them criss-crossing the country with little time for themselves.  On top of this, they still have to focus on A.J.  He still has seizures, still can't talk or walk.  They still need to bring him to see various specialists both near and far from their home in Indiana.  A.J. is the C.I.O. (Chief Inspiration Officer); they started this whole thing because of him. They pour so much love and support into their tube-fed son, and now they've taken on countless other tubie children and adults who rely on Real Food Blends for their nutrition.

Forget the meals; how do I get a Real Food Blends chef's coat??

The Liebenow's

Brian and Betsy Liebenow have one kid, Grace.  She's eight.  The other day, the couple were sitting on the couch watching T.V. when Grace called down from the kitchen:

"Mommy!" ...no response... "MMMOOOMMMMEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah?!?"

"I'M HUNGRY!!!"

"Well, find something to eat!"

"WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING!!!"

"We've got lots of stuff. Have a granola bar!"

"I DON'T WANT A GRANOLA BAR."

"Keep looking!"

"MOMMY, MY TUMMY HURTS BECAUSE I'M SO HUNGRY!"

"Fine. I'll make you some ravioli. JUST LET US WATCH THIS SHOW!!"

I'd say one of these couples isn't putting the proper amount of effort into parenting.                 


                                                                                  

Early this month, Julie and Tony were in Nashville for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics' annual Food & Nutrition Conference & Expo (FNCE).  Nashville isn't too long of a drive from where we live, so Julie asked if they could take Betsy and I out to dinner one night.  We were thinking, YEAH, sounds great!  Free dinner and we can spend a Saturday night in the 'big city' away from the in-laws!  Ok, maybe it was just me thinking that last part, but I told Julie that it would be awesome to meet them and learn a little more about the company.

Then Julie said that since we were in town, maybe we'd like to stop by the Expo for the day on Sunday and spend some time at the Real Food Blends booth.  She also said Real Food Blends was willing to pay for our hotel room for the night.  This overnight stay is sounding better and better! The FNCE is where registered dietitian nutritionists, dietetic technicians as well as many researchers, educators, students, nurses, physicians, pharmacists, clinical and community dietetics professionals, consultants and food service managers from all over the country gather to learn about the latest trends in nutrition.  The Expo happens in a different city every year, and this year it was in a huge room at the Music City Center in Nashville.  The day we were there, over 11,000 people were in attendance.  It's kind of a big deal.

Saturday afternoon, Betsy and I left Grace on a street corner to fend for herself and drove over to Nashville.  We checked into our hotel room, then met Julie and Tony for dinner at Puckett's, a really popular barbecue restaurant a couple blocks from where we were staying.  Thankfully, Julie had reservations because this is one of those places where it is impossible to get a table on a Saturday night without reservations.  Like pretty much every other restaurant we've been to, the wait staff at Puckett's were very accommodating.  When the first table they showed us didn't fit my syringe holder, they let us take another one that was thin enough for me.  I ended up getting the BBQ patter with a mix of pork, chicken and brisket.  The meal included sweet potato fries, baked beans, and coleslaw, but I left off the fries so my blend wouldn't get too thick.  I also got a Peach Ice Tea (like a Long Island Ice Tea, but peachy) because Real Food Blends paid for my meal and if there's one thing I'm good at, it's being a freeloader.

Would've been a good pic, but a weird couple photobombed me

The next morning, Betsy and I walked to Music City Center to check out the Expo.  It was so fascinating to see!!  It's like going grocery shopping, if there were two people standing behind each item in the store explaining why it's such a healthy product.  All the big food companies were there. Betsy and I only walked around a little bit, but some of the booths I saw in no particular order:  Kellogg's, Monsanto, Abbott Nutrition (makers of Ensure), the Sugar Association (ironically, this was at the booth next to Real Food Blends), Dole Fruits, Blendtec (didn't see the Vitamix booth but they were there), Campbell Soup Company, Organic Valley, Chick-fil-A (one of the more popular booths), Dr Pepper Snapple Group, Gluten Intolerance Group of North America, Kikkoman Foods, Nestle, NutriBullet, PepsiCo, StarKist, the Wild Blueberry Association, the Cranberry Marketing Committee, Pfizer, and Sun-Maid.  This is just a fraction of the 380 exhibitors at the Expo and most of them were giving out free samples, so you could graze your way through the conference if you were so inclined. 

The best part of the day, by far, was sitting in the Real Foods Blend booth and watching Julie and Tony changing hearts and minds about eating blended food through feeding tubes. Like I said, there were thousands of health professionals in attendence and many of them (most?) had patients with feeding tubes or they were students preparing themselves to work with tubies.  This was the third year that Real Food Blends had a booth at FNCE, so there wasn't quite as much disbelief from attendents on feeding tubies real food, but there were still those who insisted that blended meals were "too unsanitary" to use in a hospital setting or didn't offer the "total nutrition" that Abbott Nutrition touts with their formula products.

Julie and Tony spreading the gospel of real food

"Who's that hot tubie model at the RFB booth??" -overheard at FNCE 2015

I especially enjoyed sitting in the booth while Betsy pushed a coffee and Salmon, Oats & Squash meal through my tube.

Oh, Betsy is the hot model

I liked being able to tell people that I've been eating Real Food Blends since they started and the meals ABSOLUTELY sit better in my stomach than Ensure ever did.  I think bit by bit, the health community is becoming aware of the benefits of eating real food, rather than corn syrupy formulas.  Hopefully Betsy and I helped Julie and Tony on Sunday, but then we had to get back to our couch and starving child, while the Bombacino's continued making the world a better place.

Bolender Horse Park, WA

Last month, I was lucky enough to take part in a mountain trail horse riding workshop for wounded warriors.  The Wounded Warrior Project sponsored the event and paid for everything, including our flights to western Washington for the event.  My post is kind of long and rambling, so if you’re just interested in the travel aspect, please read the next section.  If you’re more interested in the horse riding, feel free to skip down to that part.

The Flights

Unfortunately, Betsy couldn’t join me for the trip because Grace has already started school.  This was my first time traveling by myself since I got my tube, and I was pretty nervous about flying alone. 

Flying alone is a whole lot easier when you have a good book to keep you occupied!

Betsy called the TSA Cares phone number at 1-855-787-2227 to make sure someone would help me, my suction machine, and my meals get through security.  Usually, one or two TSA agents meet me at the ticketing counter and escort me the whole way through.  It’s a great program, and we’ve been very happy with it—until my return flight from Seattle.  

Betsy called the TSA line before my flight back and they said they would meet me, same as always. But two hours before the flight at SEATAC, nobody met me at ticketing.  Betsy and I called the TSA Cares line after I’d waited a while and they gave me the number for the local agent (Patty Something) in charge of helping out people with disabilities.  I called her number and got nothing but an answering machine.  At this point (an hour left until the flight) I was panicking because the line to get through security was insanely long and I was thinking I should be standing in line rather than waiting at ticketing for TSA.  I finally asked my airline (American) if they could help get in touch with someone at TSA.  They said they didn’t have a way of calling TSA.  Really, American Airlines??? Are you not on speaking terms or something??  There were agents all over the place, so I walked up to the closest one and asked about TSA Cares for disabled veterans.  He said that TSA couldn’t escort me through security.  I would have to get my airline to do it, even though TSA has escorted me through security at every other airport I’ve been to.  So, I’m freaking out because I’m running out of time.  Betsy is freaking out because I had her on the phone and she wanted me to give it to the nearest agent so she could chew them out.  American airlines finally got someone (who spoke no English) to help get me through security and I’m thinking that there’s no way I’ll make it.

But, I was worried over nothing.  The no-English guy apparently knew some shortcuts because he got me right up to the front of the line.  The TSA agents were very nice and helpful during screening, though I didn’t even want to ask them about TSA Cares.  At that point I just wanted to get to my gate. Anyway, the moral is, we’ll make extra sure that a local agent will help me out next time.  If there is a next time.  Betsy made a formal complaint to TSA.  She was really stressed out over the whole thing and doesn’t want me to do any more solo traveling.  

Going to, and coming from, Seattle, I had to make a connection in Dallas which required me to ride their Skylink system between terminals.  The one-hour layover gave me time to do it, but I move pretty slow and I felt rushed.  I didn’t really have time to stop and eat; just some time to hit the bathroom then jump on the next plane.  I had to do all my eating and drinking during the three hour flight between Dallas and Seattle

Coffee with butter and coconut oil on the way there

Can I eat a powdered Real Food Blend, glass of wine, AND bottle of water by myself flying coach???

DAMN RIGHT I CAN!!!!  My neighbor doesn't seem so impressed...

...and at SEATAC’s USO while I was waiting for transportation.

Real Food Blend at Seattle's USO when I arrived; had more coffee before I left

I brought my syringe holder in my carry-on so I could eat independently.  I also packed some butter and coconut oil in a small tupperware container.  This was for both lubricating my syringe plunger, and for bulletproof coffee during the long travel day.  Other than a couple hours of stress in Seattle, I’d say travel was a success, although it’s a whole lot easier with Betsy to help out.

Luggage carts are a necessity when flying solo

Dan and Bolender Horse Park

I met the other eight veterans I’d be spending the next five days with at SEATAC (another veteran didn’t arrive until the next day) and we rode a shuttle bus down to the horse training facility that Rainier Therapeutic Riding used for the event.  Getting to know the veterans, I became pretty intimidated by my relative lack of horse experience.  I’ve been riding horses for an hour each week with a disabled veterans program in Tennessee for about three years.  I’ve been riding independently (with no one leading the horse) for a couple years, but only in an arena setting, where my horse has limited distractions.  

So, no distractions like this one

Most of the other veterans had considerably more time on horseback.  One guy ran a veteran riding program in Gainesville, Florida.  Another managed a program where veterans spent time with horses in southern California.  A Marine vet from northern California frequently went trail riding in the Sierras with his neighbor’s horses.  And winning the prize for the most time in the saddle:  a 19-year Marine veteran from Phoenix rode across the country to raise awareness for disabled veterans.  

Group shot. The horse and vet to my left are freakishly tall. Just had to say that.

Save for myself and one Navy veteran, all the participants were either Army or Marine vets with varying time in service (from a few years to 26) and various wounds.  Most bore the invisible scars of PTSD on top of other injuries sustained in combat or from accidents back here in the U.S.  I was the only one who ate through a feeding tube and had no use of an arm (though another vet had some paralysis in his dominant arm), so they all said they were inspired to see me out there.  Honestly though, after hearing some of their near-death experiences, and knowing there were many other stories too painful to share, I was extremely inspired to be with them and honored to be included in this group of riders.

This was only the second time that PATH (the Professional Association of Therapeutic Horsemanship) has tried to have a mountain trail program for disabled vets—the first was a couple months earlier.  They were anxious to make sure it was a success so they can continue doing it in the future.  Rainier Therapeutic Riding (RTR), based in Yelm, WA, opted to hold the event at Bolender Horse Park, about an hour south of Yelm.  The park is managed by Mark Bolender, who is world-renowned for introducing his own unique style of mountain trail riding and competitions to the equestrian community.  Mark built a beautiful mountain trail course on his 40-acre farm with many challenging obstacles for both horse and rider to overcome.  I was especially awed when he and his horse, Checkers, breezed through every obstacle—backwards and forwards—with no bridle. Checkers knew instinctively what Mark wanted to do from the way he applied pressure with his legs.  

 

 Short Clip From Mark's Demonstration (thanks Joe)

Also, check him out doing this timed competition with no bridle

Our challenge was to learn how to lead (and ride) our horses through some of the easier obstacles in four days, so we could prepare for our horse show on Sunday.  The first step to accomplishing this feat was to earn the trust of the horses we met on Thursday.  My horse was a 16 year-old Mustang named Dan who came from a wild herd in Oregon.

"I used to be wild and free, but now I'm stuck with this loser"

Such a handsome guy!!! Dan looks good too.

A few words about Dan.  Dan is a Mustang who gives Mustangs a bad name. 

Dan's ink shows which herd he came from and when he was claimed by the B.L.M.

I say this because when I think of Mustangs, I think of spirited horses, as wild and untamed as the prairie lands they roam on.  If Ford Motor Company had known Dan when they were developing their signature muscle car, they would have changed the name to the Banana Slug.  This may sound like I didn’t care for my horse, but I absolutely adored him.  Dan reminds me a lot of my dog, Aspen. They are both extremely mellow and not bothered by much of anything.  If robbers broke into our house and held us at gunpoint while stealing our most valuable possessions, Aspen probably wouldn’t get off the couch—unless they offered him a treat.  

He's got fleas so you should probably avoid sitting here

If all the males in Dan’s herd decided to start an epic battle for dominance, Dan would just continue contentedly munching on his hay—and likely the hay of the otherwise occupied males.  These are the kinds of animals I like.  Let the other guy go and try to achieve dominance over his wild stallion.  I’m cool with the Zen animal who does all his thinking with his stomach.  

"You promised me five apples after all this, you jackass!"

Yes, Dan couldn’t take his mind off food and water.  You’d think they were starving him, but I was giving him the same hay every other horse got, even the massive horse (Zeke) the 6’7” vet was riding.  Plus I was slipping Dan apples on the side like crazy. All this food didn’t stop him from trying to eat every tuft of grass within reach on our course or guzzling down half the pond of water we had him walk through (the same pond the other horses peed and crapped in on a regular basis). Dan actually did bite me, but not because he’s ill-tempered.  He was trying to get some hay at breakfast before I could put it in his stall and took a small chunk out of my arm.  You might notice in many of the pictures I’ve shared of Dan out on the course that he’s wearing a Hannibal Lecter-type muzzle.  This was so he wouldn’t be tempted to stuff his face out on the course (didn’t make too much difference in Dan’s case).  Dan was the only horse in the group who needed a muzzle because the first day I was walking with him around the course, he pulled me over while going for grass.

After Fatty McFatButt pulled me down, they had somebody walk with us everywhere (thanks Melody!)

The first day of our horse training, we had to practice walking with our horses and “sending” them over obstacles.  This means having the horse do the obstacle while we stood to the side with a long lead rope.  The best way to send the horse over rocks or through a pond is to hold up the slack of the lead rope with one hand while the other twirls the rope off to the side.  The twirling rope is supposed to motivate the horse and tell it which way you’d like it to go.  I found this to be especially difficult because I could only use one hand.  I tried using my weak hand to hold onto the rope but I kept dropping it.  I think eventually I would have adapted and figured out a workaround to sending the horse with one hand, but it was difficult to be ready for our horse show on Sunday.  

We were all about making our horses do the crap we didn't want to do

Another difficulty was neck reigning Dan.  As I understand it, the two primary ways of steering the horse with reigns are direct reigning and neck reigning.  I would imagine that direct reigning is the easiest for the horse to understand.  If you tug on the right reign, the head of the horse is pulled right and the body follows.  Pulling the left reign achieves the opposite result.  Neck reigning is more challenging and was not one of Dan’s strong suits.  With neck reigning, you simply hold both reigns with one hand and apply gentle pressure to one side of the horse’s neck to convey your intent.  If I want to go right, I move the reigns right, putting light pressure on the left side of my horse’s neck.  Dan—and probably most other horses—required extra motivation for neck reigning in the form of leg pressure.  When I wanted to go left, I moved the reigns left with one hand while squeezing him with my right leg.  Left turns were great, but I had a hard time applying enough pressure with my weak left leg to turn right.  So then, when he wouldn’t immediately go right, I pulled more forcefully to the right.  All this did was pull the left side of his bit, so he would start to turn left, thinking he was being reigned directly.  Sorry if you can’t understand some of these horse concepts (I barely understand them myself).  All you really need to know is that Dan wasn’t so good at going where I told him, and it was likely more my fault than his (you probably figured that out already).

"Turn right, Dan!"

One part about our time at Bolender’s that I especially liked is that we were responsible for all aspects of our horses’ care.  This included cleaning out their stalls, making sure they ate before we did, and grooming them—especially hosing off their legs after they waded through the poop/pee ponds on the course.  Although I was only with him for four full days, I think this responsibility deepened my bond with Dan and gave me a real appreciation for what goes into caring for a horse.

I led Dan right over Melody's foot one day. Sorry about that.

This workshop was less than a week but I learned SO much, not just from walking and riding Dan, but also talking with the other riders and instructors at Bolender’s.  A gentleman from Italy—who teaches mountain trail riding in Europe—was at the farm getting some pointers from Mark.  He was one of our judges on the last day and he gave me some great advice for neck reigning my horse.  Too bad I didn’t get the advice until after the horse show, where I managed to steer Dan into some bushes.

Dan really enjoyed walking me into foliage

Bolender Horse Park is a beautiful place to have these events. Very picturesque part of rural southwest Washington.  I roomed with a 19-year Marine veteran in this tiny cabin:

Actually, I was in the dog house

We had fantastic meals cooked by an Army veteran named Greg.

The Master Chef at work

They had a full kitchen where I could plug up my Vitamix and blend all Greg's awesome food every day.

The Bolender kitchen

I ate Greg's food for breakfast and dinner and two Real Food Blends for lunch throughout my stay.  I never had any trouble blending and the table next to the kitchen was a perfect place to clamp my syringe holder.

Delicious!

I had a really enjoyable experience at this workshop.  I hope they continue doing it every year because I know many veterans will benefit from it!  HUGE THANK YOU to Jayla Neufeld (Greg's wife) for all the stunning pictures!!!!

The forest fires in Washington gave us great sunsets! Otherwise, they were pretty horrible.

The Perfect Poached Egg

I got sick fairly frequently as a kid. My daughter hasn't missed any days from school because of illness, but I stayed home probably 5-10 days a year. These were no fake, Ferris Bueller days home either. I was always miserable with a heavy cold, and/or fever, and/or puking, and/or diarrhea, and/or imminent death. Whenever I was sick, my mom would make me a poached egg on a piece of buttered toast. Ever since those days, the poached egg is my go-to comfort food of choice. 

Mom taught me to make one when I was just a kid. So I've considered myself a poached egg master for as long as I can remember. However, I've learned recently that making a poached egg isn't an easy thing to perfect and I've been doing it wrong. The reality show Master Chef with Gordon Ramsey had a challenge where the contestants had to make a perfect poached egg. The culinary technique for cooking a poached egg involves adding a little vinegar to the water so the egg white is stronger and stirring the water when you add the egg so that the white forms a symmetrical sphere around the yolk as it cooks. 

Mobile link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JbAQgJF3d7E 

Honestly, I think my method of cooking a poached egg is the best. The egg white doesn't need to be this cute little ball around the yolk. It's perfectly fine as a flat, shapeless blob covering a piece of toast topped with a warm layer of butter. In the Master Chef challenge, they add vinegar to the water to strengthen the yolk. What?? There's no need for this. The yolk is perfectly fine as long as you start with a decent egg. The world needs to hear the Liebenow Method for creating poached eggs!! Unfortunately, my daughter doesn't like egg yolk when it's all runny, so I can't pass this knowledge down to her. So, I'm writing the recipe here on this blog in the hopes that future generations will see how it's done.

The most important part of the poached egg is obviously the egg. You need to get your eggs from happy, free-range chickens.

The happiest poultry in Knoxville--unless they're running from the neighborhood hawk

I can see a marked difference between some free-range--even cage-free--eggs and regular eggs. Regular egg shells are more brittle and the yolk often breaks when I try to poach or fry it. I know the term 'cage-free' is a bit deceptive. Just because cage-free chickens aren't in a cage doesn't mean they'll ever see the outdoors. They're also probably in a building with many other chickens. Free-range often isn't much better. The chickens technically have access to the outdoors but this means different things to different farmers in the U.S. Some farmers allow their chickens plenty of room to roam around, while others are more abusive and only permit their poultry tiny outdoor spaces. This is the bare minimum, so the farmers can use the 'free-range' label and charge more for the eggs. PBS did a great short film about this called "Story of an Egg." It's only 6 minutes; you should watch it when you get a chance.

So apparently, you should look for 'Pasture-Raised' chickens now

The moral is, there's no telling if the 'free-range' eggs you get at the grocery store are from happy chickens or terrorized animals with their beaks chopped off so they don't kill each other. The free-range eggs I get at Earth Fare here in Knoxville (our version of Whole Foods) seem to be better quality with harder shells and tougher yolks than the cage-free eggs I buy at Trader Joe's. Eggland's Best cage-free eggs seem to be somewhere between those two, but I don't know for sure how those chickens were treated. For this reason, I'm extremely happy that the city of Knoxville allows us to have up to five egg-laying hens. I know the chickies lead a happy life because they leave us presents every day.

Three of our chickens lay blue eggs; how cool is that?

Our eggs are the highest quality. Tough shells and the yolks are a deep orange color, indicating the chickens forage the grass in our backyard daily.

So, I've got perfect eggs. How about the toast that makes my poached egg complete? How can I possibly enjoy this dish if I eat gluten-free? Fortunately, my sister came to the rescue. She visited earlier this year and told me about this fantastic gluten-free, multigrain bread from Schär. 

Since I eat through a tube, I have no idea how it tastes; but I'm told it's delicious

I have the proper ingredients. Step one for the Liebenow Poached Egg is to bring a medium sized pot of water to a boil. As soon as the water starts boiling, turn the burner down to med/low and start toasting the bread in the toaster.

I'm making two poached eggs actually

Right after starting the toaster, you simply crack the egg gently into the water. Be careful not to break the yolk. The best way to do this is crack the egg as close to the boiling water as possible, or crack the egg into a small bowl beforehand, then gingerly dump it into the hot water.

The toaster serves two purposes. The first is that it toasts the bread (duh). The second reason for toasting right before you put the egg in is that it is your 'timer'. As soon as the toast pops and the bread is buttered, the egg is ready to be taken out of the water.

Such a lovely floral design on our wedding plates

Use a slotted spoon, and delicately lift the egg out of the water and deposit it on the toast.

I won't eat toast any other way

The acid test is where you cut into the egg and see if a hot river of silky smooth yolk pours out and soaks into your toast.

 

Beats Gordon Ramsay's poached egg any day of the week

Astoundingly, Betsy and Grace both don't care for poached eggs, but that just leaves more for me. Delicious!!

Things I Want Right Now: "C is for..."

Can tubies gain weight?

Scratch that. I know we can gain weight. I've heard countless stories from tubie moms whose kids put on weight after switching from formula to blended diets.

What I mean is, can tubies get fat?

Believe it or not, that fat man is me on steroids in 2006. The bear is obviously on steroids too.

That picture is of Fat Brian and his friend, Fat Bear. I was on an extremely high dose of Dexamethasone (decadron) to try to combat the side effects of radiation damage. Decadron and radiation (and jaw surgeries too!) had a couple similarities: they suck and they were of questionable benefit. One of the side effects of decadron is that it caused me to put on weight really easily and it was nearly impossible to lose it.

Could I have avoided putting on weight if I had a feeding tube? Maybe you saw the headlines a few years ago about people trying to lose weight by eating through a feeding tube. Here's a more recent article about a doctor in North Dakota (Doctor Spencer Berry) who thinks feeding tubes are the answer for Diabetes: (click here). I like the quote from a different doctor at the bottom of the article: “To receive nutrition via a feeding tube is not a realistic long-term method of nutrition. Plus using a feeding tube for a prolonged period of time can increase a person’s risk of infections.” If I live to be 90--or rather, when my friend, Jesse Jones, lives to be 90--I hope she's still around so I can ask her about that.

I think I agree with Dr. Berry's critics though. Weight loss is about losing weight and keeping it off. Once those diabetic people have lost 100 pounds and the tube comes out, will they suddenly start eating well and exercising regularly? I'm thinking their first thought will be the same as my first thought if I ever get rid of this feeding tube, "I'm going to the grocery store, buying a tube of chocolate chip cookie dough, and I will not rest until that cookie dough has been consumed in its entirety. 'Murica."

All that 'gluten free no sugar' stuff is going right out the window. I'm not proud.

Once people get a feeding tube for weight loss, they'll have to keep it in or they'll slide right back into the diabetic life. So, since I have a tube permanently, does that mean there's no way I'll get obese? My opinion is that it's possible to be overweight with a feeding tube, but it's much harder. There's an obesity problem in this country because it's so easy to eat junk. Sitting on the couch watching the game? How about a 20 oz. Coke and a bag of Doritos!! Not enough time for breakfast before work? Stop for a few doughnuts at Krispy Kreme or buy a couple Pop Tarts from the snack machine in the office! Kids whining for dinner but nothing prepared? Order pizza, or better yet, make it a McDonald's night! We eat processed crap because it's more convenient. Or we do it because we're idle and have nothing better than to eat, so we choose to eat the best tasting stuff--the stuff with all the sugar and weird sounding chemicals in it. Even worse, we eat crap because it's less expensive than the healthy stuff.

Not so simple for me to eat crap food. I ate some doughnuts on occasion before I went gluten free. But there are extra steps there. Gotta throw it in the blender, get a good amount of fluid in the pitcher to thin the mixture, sit at the table to push it in (doughnuts aren't something I can casually eat on the couch or while I'm driving anymore), then flush with water. Granted, I've done this long enough to get the amount of time down, but it's still a whole production whenever I eat. Not to mention the fact that I don't taste what I eat, so where's the joy in eating a doughnut? If I'm going to take the time to make a meal, it makes more sense to make it healthy. Too much work to get fat with a feeding tube. Hard enough just maintaining the pounds I've got.

This is not to say that you can't eat an unhealthy diet with a feeding tube. My last post was all about sugar, and how sugar--mostly corn syrup--makes up many of the calories in processed formula for tube feeder. Having a diet with a large percentage of calories coming from sugar won't necessarily make you obese, but it does give you a whole host of other problems. Sugar is bad for you in so many ways. I really feel like I need to find a university study demonstrating why sug--

http://m.ajcn.nutrition.org/content/101/6/1144.abstract 

What the...Where did that peer reviewed study from The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition come from?? I think my health-conscious big sister somehow knew I was writing a post about cookies and sent the link all the way from her home in Germany!!! She further says that this article is, "Gold-standard research revealing the traumatic effects of simple, highly processed carbohydrates (sugar and flour and the products made from them) to your heart." She's got about 100 more studies showing how bad sugar is for you, but I actually just pulled that link off her facebook page and I'm too lazy to ask her.

So anyway, all this talk of the damaging effects to our body from sugar, both last week and this week, makes me hungry for cookies; how about you? It's time for another installment of "Things I Want Right Now!" I think I mentioned above that the first thing I'd do if I could swallow was eat a tube of cookie dough? The truth is, I'd drive straight here:

The happiest place on earth

Since a very young age, I've been crazy about cookies. Especially when they're soft, sweet, buttery, fresh from the oven. I'm drooling on my keyboard thinking about it.

Where did I learn this addiction?

My mom made some awesome cookies when I was growing up. Chocolate chip, snicker-doodle, sugar, apple sauce (yes, there are apple sauce cookies and they're delicious), oatmeal. But the best cookies by far? Mom's ginger snaps.

It's time to do something a little hypocritical on my blog. Something that is the exact opposite of what I was preaching about in my last post.

It's time to share a very unhealthy recipe. I'm only doing this so you'll see the types of things you shouldn't be eating. PLEASE PLEASE, whatever you do, don't run out, buy all the proper ingredients and make these cookies!!! Also, don't take pictures of yourself eating said cookies and absolutely don't send the pictures to me so I can vicariously enjoy the cookie consumption. Betsy really wants me to make chocolate chip cookies because they're her favorite, but I just use the Nestle-Toll House recipe for them so I thought I'd share my mom's ginger snap recipe instead. Betsy is the only person on the planet who doesn't like these cookies so I guess you're out of luck, babe, sorry!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
GINGER SNAPS

Ingredients:

2 cups flour                                   1 cup sugar
2 tsp. baking soda                          3/4 cup shortening
1/2 tsp salt                                    1 egg
1/2 tsp cinnamon                           1/4 cup light molasses
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/4 tsp ginger

1 bowl of sugar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375. Sift dry ingredients. In a separate bowl, cream sugar and shortening. Mix in egg and molasses. Add dry ingredients. Roll balls of dough in the bowl of sugar. Place on a greased cookie sheet, sugar side up. Bake for 9 minutes.
--------------------------------------------------------------------


Now, let's put those directions into action!! For this portion of my blog I really need someone to hel--

Look, it's Grace and some other strange kid!!

Where in the world did they come from?? All I did was think about cookies and Grace popped into the kitchen. Plus, our neighbor showed up with mixing spoon in hand. How does this happen?? I guess all you need to do to get your kids to quit playing Minecraft and spend time with you is make sugary, unhealthy treats with them!!! Parents, take note!!!

WARNING: flour has a tendency to fly out of the bowl when vigorously stirred!

The recipe also has shortening in it. Shortening was developed at the turn of last century using partially hydrogenated cottonseed oil. It was touted as the "healthy alternative" to lard because Mr. Procter and Mr. Gamble wanted to stick it to the meat industry. Listen to this podcast exploring the early history of Crisco; it's actually really fascinating. Today, Crisco is an unholy mix of soybean oil and palm oil, and butter is, surprisingly, a healthier alternative. Yet shortening makes the cookies softer and, although it doesn't give you that buttery taste you love in chocolate chip cookies, ginger snaps have enough other spices that you really don't need a buttery quality. Here's another interesting link on the science of fat and why it makes cookies taste so good, because I know you're dying to read more about fat!

"Stir, you little punks, or you won't get dinner again tonight!!!"

Besides adding butter, I also could've used gluten-free flour in the recipe so I could actually enjoy these cookies, but I made the decision to make it just 'like mom used to make' and keep it as unhealthy as possible. Also, I'm trying to cut back on sugar so I prefer to feed this poison to those I care the most about, like my only daughter (in my defense, she has the audacity to eat popcorn right in front of me).

Not only is there a cup of sugar in this recipe, but there's also molasses! Though, to be fair to molasses, it's actually not as bad for you as sugar. When sugar cane is processed to make refined sugar, molasses is the by-product, so it contains many of the nutrients from the plant that are lost during refinement. Plus, molasses has a lower glycemic load. I don't know what that means either, but apparently molasses is a safe sweetener for diabetics. I actually didn't have light molasses in the house, but I had black strap molasses (the type with the most nutrients so "yea me!"). It made the cookies look a little darker, but Grace still thought they tasted good.

Other than Grace, and some random neighbor kid who happened to wander by, who did I feed these sugar-bombs to? To my fellow disabled veterans at the horseback riding thing I do every Friday, of course! Also, to my in-laws because it seems like more of them are moving to Knoxville every day and I may have to resort to drastic measures to put a stop to them.


 

If I didn't have a feeding tube, all these would be mine

My 8 year-old daughter informed me this morning that she googled my name and found my blog. She told me she read every post and especially liked the one about Red Lobster because I made mommy look like a vampire. This made me: 1) suddenly very nervous about what exactly I said in my past blog posts (haven't there been a lot about alcohol??) and 2) frantically look up parental locks online so my kid doesn't wander into some porn site when I'm out of the room. So, Grace, I know you're reading this, so I thought I'd make you a special picture just from daddy:

Who's the scary monster now??

In response, she made this:

Not too bad for her first try