The Blog of the Traveling Tubie: One is the Loneliest Number

Vivek Murthy, former US Surgeon General, says loneliness decreases our lifespan as much as if we smoked 15 cigarettes a day. It can be more harmful than obesity. “Loneliness,” Murthy said in a Forbes interview, “is also associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, depression, and anxiety.” A study by The Economist magazine and the Kaiser Family Foundation found that 9% of adults in Japan, 22% in America and 23% in Britain always or often feel lonely, or lack companionship, or else feel left out or isolated. I recently volunteered for Meals on Wheels, delivering hot meals to elderly people in our local community. So many of the people I saw on my routes were alone. I was likely the only human contact they would have all day (terribly sorry about that; hopefully you had someone better the next day). Some of them talked my ear off as though they had all these words bottled up and were just waiting for someone to listen.

In addition to the elderly, those who are disabled often suffer from this epidemic of loneliness. According to a British advocacy group, half of the UK’s disabled are lonely. I haven’t seen exact figures for the US, but I imagine they are similar. If it weren’t for my wife and daughter, I’m certain I could count myself as socially isolated. I’m an introvert and still find it uncomfortable to eat in public. I’m also having a harder time making myself understood, especially in loud spaces. In August, I was interviewed for a news story about Real Food Blends. I couldn’t figure out how to insert the video into the blog, but you can watch it from any Scripps station website, like Denver’s ABC affiliate. You’ll notice that they decided to subtitle me. My lips and tongue don’t have the dexterity to enunciate words. Also, I can’t get through a full sentence without needing to take a breath.

Another thing that makes it hard for me to be out in public is my gastroparesis. With gastroparesis, I have to lie down to vent my tube almost hourly when I’m out and this can be awkward, especially if I’m at a concert or sporting event. I’m much more averse to going out now. I look at it like exercise; something I have to regularly suffer through because it’s good for my health. Actually, I’m luckier than a lot of disabled people out there. Having a child forces me to go out in public because I have to be there for my daughter’s soccer, volleyball, basketball, and softball games (watching softball sucks). And if Betsy wasn’t always encouraging me to take part in the community, I’m sure I’d be sitting on the couch reading all the time. I am fortunate to be surrounded by family (sometimes not so fortunate, depending on what the in-laws are doing), and I’m lucky to be ambulatory. There are so many lonely disabled people out there. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it is to date with a feeding tube. There are tubies who are hooked up to a pump for hours at a time. Tubies who can’t talk at all; who can’t express how it is to get food into our bodies. If you’re living alone with a feeding tube, who will be there if you have a clog? Who can help you change your tube? Who can take you to the doctor? There is no one to force you to go out in public, to make you connect with your community, and this only exacerbates your health problems.

There is a Simpson's clip for every occasion

I traveled to Winston Salem, NC, to a conference for work last week. I was with one of my co-workers, and I didn’t have any health issues or problems with my tube during the trip. I brought some blended meals for my breakfasts and Real Food Blends for the rest of my meals. This was good because I didn’t need to worry about going out with my blender by myself. Yet I could see that if I lived by myself, this could all too easily become my life. No reason to go out in public, so I just stay in every day for fear of tube feeding in public or not being understood.

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Last year, Britain actually created the world’s first Minister for Loneliness to address the issue. At the time, there were a few jokes made about the position:

But good on the UK for confronting the scourge of social isolation. More communities in the US are starting to try different methods like Miami-based Papa, which offers “Grandkids on Demand,” where you sign up to have college-aged kids come over for companionship and help with general tasks. But we could be doing so much more than these piece-meal approaches. If you have the means, I humbly beseech you to please get in touch with your neighbors. Not the ones who are out every day. Please don’t overlook the elderly, the disabled, the immigrants in your community who for one reason or another have minimal human contact.

And if you’re by yourself reading this, I can’t tell you it’s going to be ok because sometimes it’s not. I can’t tell you tomorrow will be better than today was. But you are not alone. Please reach out. The world isn’t as cold and uncaring as you think. For one thing, we have mankind’s greatest achievement: the dog.