The Forty Year-Old Tubie

40.

The big 4-0.

Over-the-hill.

Four decades.

Forty trips around the sun.

I still remember when my parents turned 40. I thought they were old. The gray hairs were coming in. Hairline started to recede. I think my dad went and got bifocals around that time. Hearing started to go bad. Nose and ear hair started to be an issue, as did 'regularity.' 

It doesn't seem as old now as it did then. Maybe because so many of my friends are already in their forties (clearly, I need new friends). Maybe because I'm the youngest in my family and I still find that I'm treated like the 'baby brother' by my mom and sister (don't try to deny it!). Of course, the obvious reason it doesn't feel old is because I'm forty. Hell, when I was 10 years old, I thought college kids were ancient! It's all relative, right?

I would think that I'd be wiser by this time. Sure, I'm not the world-traveler my sister is. She lives in Europe, spent last Christmas in Kazakhstan and this Christmas in Israel. I live in Tennessee. My idea of a big journey this year was a road trip to Florida. Yet, I've had experiences. I've been to college, traveled out of the country a few times. I've overcome my share of health problems. I've raised a daughter (fairly well). Shouldn't I have gained some wisdom from this? 

I wish I had something truly poignant and eloquent to share at the age of forty. 

"Wear sunscreen." (sorry, that's from somebody else's graduation speech)

"There's no greater gift than friendship." (just watched The Polar Express with my daughter)

"Everything is awesome!" (The Lego Movie; all my quotes are from cartoons now)

"Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball." (old SNL skit)

"Don't put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher." (somebody else did that--not me)

If I've learned one thing so far in life, it's that I'm pretty ignorant. I had the opportunity to spend a weekend with my grandparents before Christmas.

They've forgotten far more than I've learned in forty years. My grandfather turns 95 next month. Forget 40! That's a milestone. They've been married 72 years. Seventy-Two! Their marriage has been a member of AARP more than twenty years! How could I write a revelatory tidbit of wisdom that could compare to everything they've experienced over the last century?

The secret to their long, happy marriage is the wine

I'll admit I've had some regrets in the last 40 years. I regret not learning a language. There's still time for this, I suppose, but it would've been so much easier if I'd stuck with German in college after two years in high school. Instead I took Arabic. Do I remember anything from Arabic class? Nope. I can say 'yes,' 'no,' I can call a room to attention, and say that the class is ready for instruction (we had to do that every day; I'm sure that will come in handy...NEVER).

I also regret not really talking to my brother about how he felt while he was going through cancer and not really listening to my sister when I was younger.

It's hard to regret decisions I made about my health. Do I regret getting radiation treatment? I could be worse off now if the cancer was never completely eradicated without radiation. Grace told me yesterday that she wished I'd never gotten cancer. I said that cancer was one of the best things to happen to me because it set me on a path to adopt her. Without radiation I probably wouldn't have met Grace. I'd still be in the Air Force (assuming cancer hadn't come back), but I'd never have met all our great friends in various hospitals or in Tennessee. Similarly, if I'd never gotten that last jaw surgery, then I could still be able to swallow, but I might be worse off too.

Without my regrets, I probably wouldn't have started writing a blog. I've discovered that I really enjoy writing. I might not be very good at it--my punctuation is atrocious (I think I use dashes and parenthesis far too liberally). But, I like doing it. It's cathartic for me. Hopefully, over the next 40 years (or however long I'm sticking around this place), I'll be able to watch Grace grow up into a happy, confident, young woman and I'll get better at writing about it.

They just had to go out and get me a balloon.