Alcohol

I have a confession to make. I don't drink alcohol very often. I know, I know, I've featured it multiple times in my posts. I joke about it often enough that it probably seems like I may have a drinking problem. The truth is alcohol lowers my immune defense. When I drink excessively, I typically end up feeling under the weather for days afterward. When I first got my feeding tube, I would have a glass of wine every time I went out to eat. I thought, "My family gets to eat in front of me. I'll at least have some merlot so I'm not just sitting here." Also, I went through a phase where I drank a glass of red wine every night because I thought it was healthier. Maybe it is healthier, but I seemed to get sick more often during that phase. I don't know if it was the wine or something else. Regardless, I only drink occasionally these days.

Don't get me wrong, I used to drink excessively--before cancer. Alcohol was strictly forbidden at the Air Force Academy during my time there. So, of course, whenever cadets were out at clubs on the weekends, many of us drank irresponsibly. We weren't allowed to have cars until our junior year. We also had more freedom to go off campus on weekends our last two years. I could actually leave the base on weekdays my senior year. I know this sounds bizarre for those of you who went to "normal" colleges. 

I have plenty of stories I could share of me behaving like a drunken idiot. Outside of a club in Colorado Springs, I urinated on a bouncer's car (right in front of the bouncer) and had to be dragged away by my friends before an altercation ensued. At a bar in Breckenridge on a weekend ski trip, I tried to start a fight with someone over a pool game. I'm a pretty small guy and I've never been in fight so I'm pretty sure I would be on the losing end of any bar fights, even if I was sober. After getting back to my dorm room after one Friday night of revelry, I laid down for a bit, then got out of bed, walked to our closet and unzipped my pants with the intention of using the closet as a toilet (luckily my roommate stopped me). My roommate's bed was on the opposite side of the dorm room from mine and one night I laid down and promptly projectile vomited from my bed all the way across to where he was laying on his bed (he swears this happened). 

There are other stories, some I'm still too ashamed to share, but the worst thing about my drunken forays? I don't remember any of them. When I drink excessively, I black out. The only reason I know these things is because my friends related them to me the next day, during the hangover where I would swear never to drink again.

I suppose my reader(s) will divide into two camps here. Some will probably be aghast that I behaved so immaturely, while others will think, "That's nothin'! I did way worse at that age; in fact, I'm drunk right now!!" I tend to think more about my daughter now and the way I'd like her to behave at that age. Looking back, I can't help but think there were much better ways to spend my weekends. I lived in Colorado, so couldn't I have gone hiking or camping more? I was just a college kid, so I suppose drunken revelry is bound to happen. But now, post-cancer, all I can think is how unhealthy it is. Also, I could've imbibed more moderately so I could at least remember the fun times with my friends. Grace, if you're reading this, I think the unfortunate truth is that a young woman who drinks until she blacks out is in much more danger than a young man. I know you're already smarter than I am. I'd say you're more mature, but you really like to say "poop" and "underwear" a lot. My advice is to drink in moderation and be careful of the friends you surround yourself with. 

This won't be an issue anyway because we're sending you to a convent in a few years.

So, speaking of alcohol, I had a chance to drink some moonshine over Christmas. As I said in my last post, the family was down in Alabama at Betsy' parent's house. They had a jar (it's actually in a jar; look at the photo!!) of moonshine in the fridge. They were a little sketchy on the details of where they procured this alcohol. Something about "state liquor laws," "contraband," "highly illegal," "felony offense," blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda I don't listen to half of what they say anyway. I bravely volunteered to give the stuff a try. My mother-in-law, Susan, poured a splash in a cup for me to dump down my tube. 

Nothing screams "high quality" like a mason jar

I thought I wouldn't feel anything from this portion. It wasn't enough for a shot, probably barely half a shot. I have noticed that I feel the effects from alcohol much faster through my tube. I'm sure a big reason for this is that when I drank wine, I wouldn't drain the glass in one swallow, which is essentially what I do when I pour it in my tube.

So I dump that tiny mouthful into my tube thinking that I would have a little more after but WHOA! I could feel it right away!! Wow, that stuff was STRONG! It must've been rubbing alcohol they were trying to disguise as liquor. I'm surprised it didn't dissolve my feeding tube.

So, yeah, fifteen years ago I would've tried to drain the jar. Probably by the third sip I would black out, act like a complete moron, completely embarrassing myself. Here's proof that I AM somewhat wiser than I was before!!! I can learn from my idiotic youth after all! Time to celebrate with a drink...