My oncologist's wife passed away last week in Lompoc, California. Betsy and I were deeply saddened to hear this. I've seen quite a few different doctors over the years, but my oncologist is, by far, my favorite. He is the only doctor I still keep in touch with; the only one I still get medical advice from. His wife had the same type of lymphoma I had. However, her's was at a more advanced stage, meaning she caught it later than I did. I'm not sure where it first manifested, but she required extensive chemotherapy, more than the six treatments I got. Also, she received radiation and a stem cell transplant. The cancer treatment left her debilitated. Although she remained active after her treatment in 1999, her health slowly, but surely, deteriorated. Here's her obituary: http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/newspress/obituary.aspx?n=carol-lynn-lossing&pid=170237437&fhid=13838.
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| Carol Lossing: 1944-2014 |
Carol was always patient and kind to me. We swapped stories of cancer treatment side effects. After Betsy and I moved away from California, I traveled back to Lompoc on business and visited the Lossing's at their home. Carol and I shared a pint of Ben & Jerry's while she listened patiently to my issues with radiation. She was a nurse--one of our noblest professions, in my opinion--who devoted her life to helping ease the suffering of others. She died at 69. Arguably, she led a long life, but I think she died much too soon.
I try to keep this blog light and humorous. I'm a guy who has some complicated health issues and I eat through a feeding tube, but I think I've maintained a pretty good attitude about the whole thing. Yet, in the cancer community and the tubie community (both adults and children), death lurks on the horizon.
The shortest "novel" ever written--often attributed to Ernest Hemingway, though he is likely not the author--goes like this: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." A tubie spin on this story (and I read versions of this far too often on tube feeding forums) would be, "Free to a good home: five cases of Pediasure."
I don't have any answers for why some get taken from us far too soon while other, seemingly "less deserving" souls live on despite their unhealthy lifestyles. My only response is a picture of my dog.
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| This is Aspen. That's his couch. |
Like far too many tubie children and cancer patients, Aspen's soul will depart this earth much too soon. Yet, he is happy, he lives in the moment, and he's already made lives around him better purely because of his existence.
The title of this post refers to a song by Coldplay. Ok, ok, feel free to make fun of me. I'm a closet Coldplay fan. They have a lot of sappy, sad ballads, but I like sappy, sad ballads so suck it! Anyway, "Amsterdam" is one of my favorites. Here's a live version:
I think they're awesome live.
Here are the lyrics:
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
If I, if I'd only waited
I'd not be stuck here in this hole
Come here, oh my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear, I waited and waited
I've got to get out of this hole
But time is on your side, its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around
It's no cause for concern
Come on, oh my star is fading
And I see no chance of release
And I know I'm dead on the surface
But I am screaming underneath
And time is on your side, its on your side, now
Not pushing you down, and all around
No it's no cause for concern
Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I'm on my way back down again
Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
Sick to the stomach
You can say what you mean
But it won't change a thing
I'm sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge, tied to the noose
And you came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
A lot of people interpret this song as being about someone stuck in a dead-end relationship or addicted to drugs. I look at it more like a cancer survivor and tubie. I think it's about someone at the end of their life lamenting regrets and lost opportunities warning the listener that, "time is on your side."
Carol Lossing lived to see her children grow up and she got to spend precious time with three grandchildren. Still, she was taken from us too soon, just as adolescent cancer victims are taken far too soon. My only consolation is that she made the world a better place. She taught us all to appreciate the time granted us. Small consolation, but it's all I've got.
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