Home Alone

Betsy left me.

She took the kid with her, but I got to keep the dog. And the chickens.

We're all alone. Aspen and me. Me and Aspen. Just a couple of bros. Walking around the 'hood, sniffing butts and peeing on flowers.

He stayed home while I did that stuff

OK, Betsy didn't 'LEAVE ME' leave me. They just went to her parents for the long weekend. I am extremely fortunate, and not only because I have my wife to tie my shoes, wash my undies, and be my advocate. I'm also lucky because Betsy can take off for a few days and I'm able to survive on my own.

No more than a few days though. Any longer and I get up to crazy shenanigans like that time I fell through the attic floor and onto the car. Funny story. I should share it sometime.

Would've been cooler if the hole was body-shaped like on Looney Tunes

I know plenty of people, both tubies and those facing some other type of disability, who require constant care. I have a friend who is a combat disabled veteran. He has a Traumatic Brain Injury and is currently on two types of seizure medication. Just when he thinks his seizures are under control, he has another complex partial. As a result, he is unable to drive and has to rely on his wife to be his chauffeur. She also has to be his advocate and do things like remind him to take his meds because of his memory problems. He could not be left home alone, so I count myself very lucky to have so much independence.

I do most of the cooking for our small family, so when Betsy and Grace leave, I tend to do the bare minimum for dinners. I have one recipe that is my 'go-to' dish in the evening:

I bet these taste REALLY good together!!

Yep, just a sweet potato, a can of sardines in olive oil, and a braeburn apple (because all those other types of apples taste like cardboard next to the braeburn; don't try to tell me different). I've calculated that this is the healthiest meal I can have with the least amount of effort.

"But Brian," you protest, "that sounds really disgusting! How can you stand to look at that concoction (and smell it), knowing it's destined for your stomach??"

Well, let's see how it looks after I've cooked the sweet potato.

"GET IN MAH BELLY!!!"

Huh. Still looks kind of gross. Oh well, it's not like I have to taste it or anything.

Into the Vitamix with you!

After blending it turns the same color as just about everything else I make so I can pretend it's chicken.

Except for that revolting odor

There are definitely benefits to being home alone. I get to use the bathroom with the door open (that reminds me, don't pop in unannounced when I'm home alone; there are some things you can't un-see). I can go to bed whenever I want, listen to whatever kind of music I want, read without interruption, and I don't have to clean the house until right before Betsy gets back. 

On the other hand, it gets pretty lonely real fast. Plus there are all sorts of things Betsy does around here that I don't appreciate until she's gone. Since I can't use one arm, it's very frustrating to perform any type of upkeep on the house. Just something as simple as hanging a picture on the wall is impossible for me to do. Betsy does most of our finances, usually makes the calls for my medical appointments, and generally lifts my spirits. Grace is the one who gives my life meaning. So, while I can get by when I'm left by myself, my happiness and survival greatly depend on the two ladies in my life.

I told Aspen to take this but he wouldn't even get up, lazy bastard

I really wanted to post a picture here showing Aspen shedding all over Betsy's side of the bed or peeing on the rug, or me doing a keg-stand in the living room. Just something that Betsy wouldn't find out about until she read the blog. Unfortunately, I didn't think of it until just now, so I'll leave a placeholder here. Next time I'm home alone there will be an EPIC photo of me trashing the house!!!!