Why I eat gluten free

The answer is simple: because my sister told me to.

I know what you're thinking. "If your sister told you to jump off a bridge, would you do that too?"

To which I would reply, "Yes...Yes, I would jump off that bridge."

Right after this picture, she taunted me until I cried

You see, my sister frightens me. She presents a much more benign image to the public. If you met her, you would instantly become her friend. Regardless of your sex, nationality, age, political persuasion, religious views, or blood type, you would think, "This is the smartest, coolest, prettiest, most down-to-earth girl I've ever met in my life...and she's talking to ME!" Her name is Ginger, for God's sake! How could anyone fear a woman whose name is the same as a delicious cookie or that hot chick on Gilligan's Island??








But that's not the Ginger I know.

"I will break you."

The Ginger I know threw her poor, innocent, little brother against a couch (I think I was only two or three at the time, but I remember like it was yesterday) then laughed mockingly at his pitiful cries for mercy even after the X-rays confirmed that she had indeed cracked his rib. The Ginger I know runs a Crossfit gym in Germany where they speak an arcane language filled with words like "WOD," "pee-bee," "amrap," "double-under," "tabata," "enom," "muscle-up," and "burpee." She works our multiple times a day. She has become ridiculously strong. Just the other day, I heard that when a school bus filled with children veered off a bridge and into an icy lake, she lifted the bus to safety (or maybe I've just seen the latest Superman trailer; I get confused).

For a number of years, Ginger has been searching for reasons why my brother and I both got lymphoma (she has two sons and doesn't want them to share our fate). She is convinced that diet plays a role in rising rates of cancers like lymphoma. In fact, recent studies have shown that there is a link between gluten and non-hodgkins lymphoma. Gluten is a protein found in grains like wheat, barley, and rye. Today, food companies are putting more gluten than ever in their products to improve taste and texture. Gluten gives dough elasticity. It is also used worldwide as an additive to foods that are otherwise low in protein.





Ginger is not just against gluten because of its potential link to lymphoma. She, and other crossfiters, are proponents of the paleo diet. For more than two million years (the paleolithic era), Homo Sapiens were hunter/gatherers until we developed farming and began cultivating staples like grains, rice, legumes, potatoes, processed oils, and dairy. Paleo dieters believe that we have not yet evolved the ability to tolerate these cultivated foods. Therefore, the ideal diet is one that would have been consumed by humans before the agricultural revolution took place. The paleo diet is low in carbs and high in protein. This is ideal for crossfit's intense physical workouts. Perhaps that's why her biceps are as big around as my torso.

paleo.

not paleo.

Puleo's Grille in Knoxville. I don't know if you can get Paleo at Puleo's, but Puleo probably offers Paleo.

And here's the crazy part. Please don't tell Ginger I said this (I'm pretty certain she's too busy these days to read this blog). I know that you've already concluded that I'm the genius in my family. You are aware that 99.99999% of the time, the little brother knows best, yet there is a tiny, minuscule, once-in-a-lifetime, sliver of a chance that in this one, isolated incident Ginger may be not entirely wrong. I am willing to take the high road and admit this because I have seen some health benefits to stopping gluten. For years I have suffered from eczema and I had to use prescription steroid cream whenever, and wherever, I had a flareup. Yet, since I stopped eating gluten, my eczema disappeared. I have also noticed increased energy levels during the day. To me, these are signs that I am gluten-intollerant, and I've decided to maintain the gluten-free diet not only to stave off eczema but also to hold off any cancer relapse (and obviously, to avoid the wrath of my sister).

"Her first baby come out sideways. She didn't scream or nothin'"

*

If you disagree with the paleo diet (wouldn't surprise me, since it is a controversial subject), let me reiterate that all of my information comes to me from my sister, as well as an established scholarly journal I frequently plagia...er...I mean CITE called "Wikipedia." So, feel free to argue with Ginger, keeping in mind that she has the strength of ten men.

*Obligatory Planes, Trains, and Automobiles reference